Facing Death and Saying “No”
Twenty-three years young and the fearful, running thoughts matched the swirling, rushing winds that made the cliff that much more deadly. We found ourselves high on the mountainous cliffs of Norway in the Arctic Circle choosing our ways to survive.
Survival is a humorous ordeal in some regards, mainly because the depth of thought that passes through a mind does not match the number of ways to alleviate the situation. In layman terms, a survivalist can consider every thought about their life in a moment’s time, when the only thought in actuality that is truly necessary is how to escape. Not to mention how sneaky death is when he--shall I even give the honor of personification--presents himself. No man willingly walks into a situation of survival after weighing his options on how to handle the circumstance; no, when death arrives knocking it’s as though your eyes are unveiled and before you lay your destiny.
As we traversed across the mountainside, the thought of finding another route should have crossed our minds; we wanted to stay high on the mountain to avoid, what we considered, “unnecessary ascents.” But despite the obvious perspective that hindsight will bring a man, we pushed forward onto softer ground, moist with the melted dew the frost left at morn. To make matters worse, the only ground cover came in the form of loose, unrooted moss that provided no grip for our feet or hands.
Our breathing became heavy when we realized that the path ahead ceased to exist, and that turning around was proving quite difficult - here is where our prayers began. This is the moment when one realizes the severity of previous choices, the place where one realizes they were wrong (maybe accidentally, but nevertheless, wrong), and the place where one begins to beg for outside intervention. That is where we found ourselves--desperate.
One object attached to our broken bodies, which up to this point we perceived as necessary was beginning to create issues. With every step we took we desperately tried to cling, tether, and grasp the rock wall that provided safety, but our bulbous backpacks that contained our shelter and provisions during the safe stretches of our journey was now the item keeping our bodies pushed off the wall. Each step was accompanied by the gusty spurs, and we found our packs insistently shoving us to the edge and cheering for our demise. After realizing they were no longer our comfort and deciding to risk our night’s security we knew they’d need to go.
In a split second we had to count the costs of losing, breaking, or forever parting with our possessions for the sake of saving our lives, so in less time than a blink of an eye, they made the plunge. Down they went, a hundred yards, two hundred yards, a full eighth of a mile down the mountainside they tumbled as gear flung from packs into the rocks. The greatest lost was the clashing jar of Nutella that graced the inside of our pack with brown sludge.
Though all seemed to be laid waste we suddenly felt a weightlessness and closeness to the Wall that was welcomed with joy. Once we let go of the one thing that contained our survival through the dark nights, we finally were able to source our saving grace in the light of Day.
Have you ever felt that weight? There is something nagging within your soul that seems to speak a language never before detected through your mind. Something that seems innocent but that is secretly keeping you from a deeper walk with God. Have you found it?
Deep within your heart a throne is established, upon which only One is fit to reign; however, throughout our time being sanctified and made like Christ, our flesh wages war for His place. This strange battle which Paul references in Romans 7, between flesh and Spirit, servant and King, is always warring and trying to guide us through this life -- but which shall we trust?
You see, any part of our flesh can war over this throne, and fight with such sly confidence it flies undiscovered: relationships, money, status, possessions, ego, pleasure, and the like - all powerful in their own way, and all of which can take lead of our lives; and the scary part is, we will actually fight for them. Imagine filtering every part of your existence through one of the listed combatants; what would you do if every decision you made was to protect that thing which you laid on the throne of your heart?
Now, one might note that none of the above listed prototypes are evil in their own power; money for food, relationships for company and growth, even pleasure to understand the goodness of God. But, one must also admit that they have the power to control us and guide our lives in a negative way - money in corruption, relationships for power, pleasure for lust. So, how does one decide what stays, what goes, who reigns?
Take your mind back to the cliff, winds are blowing, death seemingly imminent, panic of the mind. The culprit? A backpack cheering for our demise. Remember? Maybe you have felt that way spiritually; something is attached to your back, you have kept it around for security, but now your pack is pushing you to the edge. The scene is classic, the actor’s foot slips and small pebbles fly from the cliff to show how far the person could fall - clearly, a deadly fall every time. What’s their safety? Some dramatic action, never just a simple step to safety.
We get here sometimes as followers of Christ; we take a wrong turn somewhere, and place something else on the throne of our hearts where only Christ can truly reign. Without our permission that small pleasure, item, or security starts to take us to places we do not want to go, nor would ever imagine we would end up; then with tremendous grace, Glory breaks through in a small whisper to remove the blindfold and we find our foot on the edge. “How did I get here?” We know in our head that we clearly do not belong here because death is lurking right in front of our faces and it is strangely uncomfortable and surreal; and yet, the most troubling fact of all is that this devil on our heart was putting up walls around himself in order to protect his phony reign: “I’m just going to take one look,” “I’m going to give once I make more,” “it’s just a white lie, but no one will get hurt.” We will actually defend our posture and ignore the voice from a Friend because of the temporary comfort that thing will bring without ever truly seeing the gift in the Father’s intended design.
Sometimes when standing on the edge of a cliff, when survival is at stake, God is asking you to trust him by throwing off your comfortable pack that carries your security. Not only that, but a clean cut from the source may be the one thing that God is placing on your heart. The scary part is you aren’t sure where the pack will land, if it does, or if the contents inside will survive the fall; the kingdom you built on the sandy shores may be at stake and collapse, but are you willing to risk it to be rescued?
If that is the case, don’t be scared of the pruning process; the action of separation can hurt but end up providing the freedom that your heart is longing for. Only Jesus is the worthy King able to rule our hearts and keep us from the temptations warring over our soul; “It is because of him [God] that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption” {1 Corinthians 1:30}. God is a passionate God who is offering grace and a place with Him forever shall we humbly follow is gentle leading: “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his [God’s] kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” Romans 2:4.
So let us not waste time coming to the altar and offering whatever item, thought, or desire lay on the throne. Bring yourself joyfully in recognition that God has come to save you and to join him in union. Come with an eager expectation of a freedom never surmounted under your leadership, and come willingly to the Father who longs to make you whole while shoring up your footing onto solid ground.
Grace and peace in our Lord.