WHY FINDING MATTERS

Watch or read a breakdown of what FINDING means to us and why it is a core part of our discipleship process by our director, Nate Banke. Following are our core behaviors related to finding people to fight for.

WHY Focus On Finding?

I had a pastor come up to me recently and say “I finally understand what you do”. He had recently had the opportunity to talk with a group of my small group leaders and they were talking about Chi Alpha’s discipleship method. When he asked them about leading a small group he was talking with the assumption that the student leaders' discipleship started after a group of students had signed up to be in a small group. When the student leaders started talking about going on campus to find people who would join their small group the pastor was shocked. “You mean you create a small group from people not yet in Chi Alpha” the pastor asked. The pastor would tell me in our conversation how excited he was to realize that we were training a generation of young people to reach the world by going out and finding the lost outside of the proverbial walls of the church.

To make a disciple maker is to empower someone to emulate Jesus in how He imparted the Kingdom of God into the world during His incarnation. He came to us because we wouldn’t have been able or even have wanted to go to Him before He did so. He sought us out in our rebellion and in our deception. In the same way we must seek out those in our world who will not or cannot seek us out as the body of Christ. The church has rightly said that people must belong before they believe, but what happens when they don’t want to belong? We must belong; belong to their world, their lives, to them so they might believe. To emulate Christ’s method of making disciples starts first with finding those who would not find Him without us.

• Intentional Outreach: Ministry activity where you are getting out of your world (your friends, classmates, natural rhythms) to find, fight for, and feed students on the broader campus.

• Life of Ministry: Activity where you are ministering to your world (your friends, coworkers, classmates, etc.)

WHAT Do These Behaviors Say About Who We Are?

We are a ministry who focus on the purpose of making disciple makers out of CSU students who can transform the university, the marketplace, and the world for the cause of Christ as they learn to let God do through them what He has done in them.

We see a day when every student on campus is relationally connected to someone who is fighting for Christ on the campus. We want a Christian in every atheist's life challenging their rebellion from God. We want a Christian expressing the love of Christ in every agnostic's world when they go through a crisis. We want a Christian relationally tethered to every prodigal calling them back.

START BY FILLING YOUR CAPACITY WITH FINDING

When starting to create a small group, access the time and energy you would be putting into your future small group and start investing that now with Finding until Fighting For and Feeding those contacts replaces that capacity.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

Jesus example of spending more time with Disciples the closer He got to the cross. Principle highlighted from "Master Plan of Evangelism".

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love finds a need and meets it
• We are an army, not an audience
• May the lamb who was slain receive the reward of His suffering

WHY Is Filling Your Capacity With Finding Key?

Historians have noted a strange observation about wars between what they would deem David and Goliath armies. Notably that David wins far more often than he should. The reason researchers point to is that when "David" armies are clearly outmatched they are willing to do the hard things that often are also the more effective things but which they rarely are willing to do unless there is no other option. Malcolm Gladwell in his book "David and Goliath '' uses George Washington in the American war for independence as one such situation. His army regularly returned to the European style of battle that George Washington was familiar and comfortable with whenever he could, but in that form of battle he was always outmatched. It was the gorilla warfare in the dead of winter that saw the american armies make headway.

What does that have to do with Finding people? Simply that it is common for small group leaders to do the bare minimum outreach if they can help it because it isn't something many would choose to do on a regular basis. That isn't to say Finding people isn't fun, but simply that it is foreign and uncomfortable at first and so needs more intentionality. It is critical for a small group leader to invest significant time and energy for them to succeed in creating a community.

That is especially true early on in sg leading as creating initial connections with different students is best done close together. The reason is that if you for example find one person a week than you may have a hard time keeping that one person long enough for them to feel bought in to the small group that is slowly developing. Once you get to three or more who are responding to you Fighting For them than it is easier to develop a more periodic Finding expression from there as you have a developing community to invite those later connections into.

WHAT Do We Mean By Filling Your Capacity With Finding?

Emagine that you have 5 hours a week that you can give on a regular basis to 1-on-1’s after the semester gets going but you only have 2 guys you are actively Fighting For or Feeding. Now lets say pursuing the ones your Fighting For and 1-on-1’s with the ones your Feeding takes up about 3 hours of time. What we are saying by filling your capacity with Finding is spend 2 hours that week doing outreach to Find more people who you can Fight For and Feed with that extra capacity.

Questions You May Have:

• Should I not reach out after I have enough small group members? You should always be a minister to your world and invite people closer when possible. If you have enough students in your small group that intentional outreach doesn’t feel needed than perhaps its time to start including outreach as a part of your discipleship with core students in your small group and grow them in outreach under your guidance

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Create habits of outreach in your life and do it together with your cohort.

• Tithe your time to reaching the campus and if you find that Fighting For or Feeding is not filling that capacity in a season for whatever reason then again fill it with Finding.

Creating Habits In Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: At the start of a new semester or when your spending less time than you'd like with your small group week to week.

ROUTINE: Go out on campus for a meal a day and try to meet someone, or do some other form of intentional outreach at least once a day.

REWARD: Having a healthy sized small group community

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Do on campus presence at least once a month.

Reading & Other Resources

• David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell_

WHO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

3 Criteria And 1 Condition

• Are they okay with you?
• Are they okay with Jesus?
• Are they okay with your community?
• Condition: Do they want one of the above 3?

Click Here for a flow chart of the finding and fighting for process in intentional outreach

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

John 17: 20-21 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me."

Mark 10:21-22 Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Matthew 7:6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

Additionally, you could study the difference in the stories of the rich young ruler (Mark 10:17-31) and the disciples after Jesus teaches about his death (Mark 10:32-45). While the ruler and the disciples both had motivations that were not Kingdom in nature, Jesus was able to push the disciples closer to God while the ruler was not and perhaps even pushed further away. The difference was if they were willing to follow or not.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• The Kingdom of God is established in relationship
• You talk about what you love most
• Jesus is the integration point of all life
• Love by nature binds itself
• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother, "I have no need of you."
• The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be ‘I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend’, no Friendship can arise - though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers. - C.S. Lewis"

Why Follow These Criteria Before Fighting For or Feeding Them?

How do you create desire in someone else? That's a hard question, especially if we are talking about them desiring a relationship with someone else that they are already indifferent to or hostile towards.

The first time I saw an iPhone I thought it was silly to spend so much money on something that I thought my computer could do better, but I kept having friends talk about their smartphones and how cool they were. Even though I wasn't interested in getting a smart phone I started playing with their phones as I tried to figure out what was the big deal. Eventually I saw the value in owning an iPhone and wanted one for myself.

Two things were necessary for me to develop a desire for a smart phone when they first started coming out. The first was that the iPhone had to actually have value that I didn't see. If the value wasn't there for me to discover I would never have cared that my friends were so in love with them. The second is that I needed friends who already were in love with these contraptions and who gave me many opportunities to encounter their iPhones before I bought into the idea of getting one myself.

People fall in love with what you love if what you love is truly lovely. In the same way as my friends introduced me to the next gen in tech, people need to encounter Jesus and our love for Him if they are going to fall in love with Him too. Now as much as you may love Jesus you by yourself are never enough of an expression of Christ for someone to fall in love with Him. Like my friends who were all talking about what they loved about their new phones, we model our love best when we're around others who share our same passion. Lastly, if I had refused to be in the conversation whenever my friends started talking about Steve Jobs' new contraptions it wouldn't have mattered how much my friends loved their iPhones. It wouldn't have changed my perception of them.

It doesn't matter if the person you met loves Jesus already or not. If we are going to transform our campus we need to invite people into our lives who don't yet love Him, but if they aren't okay with us, our community who love Jesus together, or having Jesus around then we are wasting our time thinking that we could grow their passion for God along the way. Someone might say, "Well what about everyone who isn't okay with those three classes of people; how are we to reach them if your always filtering contacts by those predispositions?" The answer is that while in intentional outreach we start with Finding people who we can Fight For by filtering based on these criteria, in ministry as a lifestyle you start with Fighting For those coworkers, classmates, and friends to experience Jesus, your friendship, and your community until they are okay with all three criteria and want one. For a fuller picture of what this looks like go to the above section on "Why Finding Matters" and the below section on "Express a Lifestyle of Ministry' '.

The reason we use these three criteria is that they are the three forms of relationship expressed within the Kingdom of God and that we are inviting people to be a part of within Chi Alpha. Everyone has criteria that must be met for them to continue a relationship. While everyone may have slightly different criteria or priorities within those criteria things like common age, interests, a certain level of convenience, etc. are common ones. For us in Chi Alpha we realize that we may minister to people who don't have a lot of the classic things people intuitively look for to have a relationship, but we also don't want to spend our lives chasing friendships with people who have no potential to become Kingdom Relationships through that friendship. The Kingdom of God is built on relationships as we serve a relational God but if we are going to have a meaningful relationship with a contact they need to be open to experiencing the types of relationships that the Kingdom of God will call them into. Being ok with us as we pursue a friendship with them, ok with our community as they help give a place of belonging and Kingdom culture, and ok with our God who we serve are the criteria we are looking for before investing the Kingdom of God into their lives through those three relational contexts.

WHAT Do We Mean By 3 Criteria And 1 Condition?

There are broadly three contexts of relationship when trying to build and lead a small group. There is our relationship with our God, our relationship with each other & the relationship to the larger Christian community. If someone is going to be Fought For we find that it is almost always important for them to be open to interacting with all three classes of people in order to join a small group and grow together in their faith journey. That doesn't mean they need to want all three but if they don't have someone they are wanting to grow a relationship with then it is hard to get anywhere with them. The exception would be if the Holy Spirit tells you to Fight For someone. He always knows more than you and will sometimes direct you to pursue someone who doesn't seem ready on the outside, but who the Lord is preparing to meet you. The 3 criteria and 1 condition are:

• Are they okay with you?
• Are they okay with Jesus?
• Are they okay with your community?
• Condition: Do they want one of the above 3?**

Questions you may have:

• How do I assess this? Look at the behavior in this section titled "6 steps to meeting someone" for a fuller breakdown of how to go about this but in brief bring up Jesus quickly and see how the conversation unfolds from there. Talking about our ministry as a core part of your life at CSU is a good way to assess both their openness to Jesus and your community.

• What do I do if they aren't open to one of these? Minister in the moment and move on. The reality is that you will likely not be effective if you try to invite and pursue someone who isn't at least okay with these three areas. If this is the only chance you may get, then ask God how you can minister to them and step out in creating a power encounter or truth encounter moment. If nothing else happens then don't spend your life chasing those who are running away from you.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

Cue: In initial conversations during intentional outreach, or whenever you have a Fighting For moment in your lifestyle of ministry

Routine: Ask yourself if this person would be open to deeper pursuit and invitation into my life, community and God

Reward: Knowing when to Fight For or filter people and experience more fruitfulness when you Fight For someone

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Bring up Chi Alpha anytime you have a conversation with someone new

3 FORMS OF FINDING

The three things someone needs in coming to Jesus and how that shapes our FINDING

When you lead 19 year olds who are learning to minister in one of the most diverse mission fields in the world you tend to see a myriad of mindsets and approaches that those students take as they step out in finding people for their small group communities. To be fare they are reaching out to a population that would leave the typical lead pastor’s head spinning with what to do. You never know if you will meet a student who grew up as a practicing witch, as my wife did about a week ago, or if you might find the skeptic, as is common on a university that systematically strives to deconstruct any form of belief, or whether you will run into a student lonely and alienated from meaningful connection as has been common post covid shutdowns. To put it simply students are coming to college with dynamically divergent backgrounds, and there is not a one shoe fits all approach that works in trying to connect to such a diverse population.

CHARLES H. KRAFT is a Christian author who has written on many occasions on the topic of spiritual warfare. In an article titled “THREE ENCOUNTERS IN CHRISTIAN WITNESS” he breaks down a framework that has been helpful for us to think through as we approach outreach to our mission field. Namely that people need three kinds of encounters when choosing to come to Christ or to sustain them in that choice. Those encounters can be broken down as love encounters, power encounters and truth encounters. Love encounters are expressions of friendship and fellowship with the body of Christ in life giving experiences, truth encounters are interactions with the truth of God normally through interacting with His word or Appologetics, and power encounters are experiences with God’s presence in their lives.

I was just reading a book about a sister in Christ who came to faith because of some dreams she had of a supernatural nature. While she knew God was speaking to her, she didn’t understand their true implications until someone gave her a Bible, but after her conversation to Christianity from Islam she realized she could not follow Jesus without the support and love of the Christian community around her. It is common for our ministries, and us as ministers, to prioritize an approach to ministry that emphasizes one type of encounter at the cost of others. Normally this has to do with our comfortability, ministry structures, and even theological lines that push some encounters over others, but in a world that is growing more and more spiritually diverse we must as ministers be adapt at ministering where they are open to experiencing over where we are comfortable ministering.

Now in this section we are talking about helping people have one of these encounters during our initial interaction. While we rarely can give them an encounter in all three of these areas during our initial conversation, it is helpful to know how to approach a conversation from any of these three angles so you can be ready for what the Holy Spirit might prompt you to do with one person over another. From there the journey to help them have encounters in all three areas becomes the conversation in how to fight for them that we will discuss in the next section of fundamental behaviors.

Reading & Other Resources

• CHARLES H. KRAFT—THREE ENCOUNTERS IN CHRISTIAN WITNESS
• I Dared to Call Him Father

  » Finding Through Love Encounters »

Below is an outline for meeting someone initially. This outline looks to help you access their openness to you, Jesus & your community by emphasizing a relational approach to your interraction

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• No little people, no little places
• Stop praying God use me and start praying God make me useable
• Pursue intensely but come accross casually

WHY Is Breaking Down How To Meet Someone Beneficial?

The US military can be argued to be the most powerful military force in the history of the world. An adage that the US military often has reinforced in their strategizing is that "the plans fly out the window with the first encounter with the enemy" and yet while they know that their plans will likely have to adjust they have a conviction to create the most elaborate and detailed plans before every major military action. The question that naturally comes up is if they expect their plans to change then why bother?

The answer in brief is that they have found it is much better to adjust from a detailed plan than to "wing it" as the military action unfolds. In part that is because having a plan creates a framework to more easily and creatively adjust to the situation than without it. The below outline is not meant to be restrictive for you, but the very opposite. As you step out to connect with students on your campus it can be helpful to have a plan for how your conversations will look initially and then you can adjust or double down on the parts of this outline as your conversation unfolds. It is also helpful to think through how you will access whether to start Fighting For or filter this contact. Without that plan you often find yourself not sure where to take the connection next. Too often small group leaders either start Fighting For every contact they make, or never Fight for a contact because they didn't have a plan for how to take that next step when they first made the connection.

One warning before we begin is that while you should strive to filfill all of the the below steps before the end of the conversation, it is rare for a conversation to be quite so linear. If for example the fact that your part of a campus ministry comes up before you get to talk much about who they are than go with it. Just don't forget to steer the conversation to them as well before the conversation ends. In this way the below steps can be seen less like steps to a destination and more like puzzle pieces to a picture of whether they would be open to being Fought For. We still call them steps though because some parts of this progression are more linear in nature and the below outline would probably be the most common progression we have found in our interractions with students on our campus.

The BEHAVIOR Broken down

1. Place yourself You wont get anywhere unless you go somewhere.
   • Find the Friends of those who you are Feeding to Fight For
   • Go to the cafeteria over lunch
   • Spend the afternoon on the IM fields
   • Prioritize welcome week in your schedule and treat it like a missions trip
2. Start the conversation
   • Look at hats, shirts, masks, etc. Is their context from where you met them that you could ask about such as meeting at the dining hall and asking if they are a freshman? What hobbies or groups could you can ask them about? For example if you meet someone playing soccer on the IM fields you could ask them if they are on an intramural team.
3. Talk about them People like talking about themselves. It honors them and gives you insight into their lives.
   • You are trying to answer 2 big questions through asking them questions
     1. Would this person be interested, or at least open to me pursuing a friendship with them? See "WHO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR" previously on this page for more details.
        • Look for commonalities with you
        • Look for things they could teach you
        • Start thinking about things you could set up during this conversation to do with them next. See step 5 below for more details on making next steps, but here you are looking for ideas to use in step 5.
     2. How could I pursue time with this contact in person in the future? See the Fight For section on this page for more details. In brief you are trying to personally answer this question during your initial conversation by answering HOW you could pursue them in space and interests.
        • How could I pursue time with them in their space? Do you know what dorm they live in, what their class schedule is like, when and where they seem to have free time? Could you stop by their dorm or hang out with them after their class for example? If you don't have a way to pursue them after that initial contact than it will be very difficult to take the next step in Fighting For them after your immediate conversation.
        • How could I pursue time with them through their interests? Said another way; what are they into that could help me pursue time with them in the future? This has all ready been touched on previously in this step, but where we were previously asking the question "Would this person be interested in me pursuing a friendship with them" we also want to answer the HOW question through those same topics. For example imagine that I picked up on the fact that a contact I just met loves to ski, but do I know if they are planning on getting a ski pass this year or they going to be too busy this year to go? Are they looking for people to ski with or do they have a community who they all ready go with regularly? If I don't ski, but would like to learn, would they enjoy teaching a newbie or do they prefer to go with people comperable with their skill level? Is this conversation happening after the ski season is wrapping up and doesn't have a good possibility of translating into time with them at any near date? In summary you want to find ideas of how to pursue time with them in person practically in the near future through your questions about them. Remember come accross casually but engaged.
   • Practical tips for steering the conversation through questions.
     • Ask deeper questions about however you started the converstaion. This is generally a better approach than shotgunning lots of different topics at them in rapid succession.
     • Ask open ended questions (questions that cannot be answered with a "yes" or "no". For example don't ask an Engineering student "do you like Engineering". A better question would be to ask "What got you interested in studying Engineering".
4. Mention God & Chi Alpha if it hasn’t come up yet
   • In this step you are trying to answer "Would this person be interested, or at least open to my God and my community?" See "WHO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR" previously on this page for more details. A good transition from the previous step is to see if you can steer the conversation to God in 5 questions or less. It's easier than you think ;). If you get the conversation to God through questions about them than make sure to bring up your Chi Alpha community, but if you don't get to God first through questions than use your involvement in Chi Alpha to steer the conversation to the Lord. Natural segways can include
     • Whenever the opportunity to talk about yourself naturally arises don’t pass up the moment to bring up that your part of a campus ministry.
     • Just be direct, if relevant to the situation, that you are part of a campus ministry and your going out getting to know new students.
     • Ask them their thoughts on God given the recent world affair, or maybe ask a God question related to their major. This can be an especailly poignant approach if their major is in the hard sciences.
   • However you bring up the Lord and Chi Alpha, immediately give them a chance to respond. An easy question can be asking if they have any history with Christian community. Your goal is not to get into a debate at this moment but to build the foundation of your potential friendship with Christ being invited into it from the beginning. With that in mind don't force the conversation to linger on the Lord or Chi Alpha in this initial conversation if they are not actively helping give the topic momentum.
5. Try to make a next step plan with them
   • Make a plan to hang out with them again before your initial conversation wraps up. Examples could include inviting them to something that the ministry is up to in the near future, or plan to do something with them that they are into (pursue). An example of the latter could be if you discovered that they are into running while you were asking them questions about themselves. On the spot make a plan to go running the next day and ask if they would like to go with you. Sometimes making a plan on the spot and inviting them into it is a great way to pursue their interests while coming across casually. You could say "I'm thinking of going running in the morning with some friends. Would you like to come with us?" If their interested than call your running buddies right after you leave the contact and tell them that you are planning to go running with a new contact and ask them to join you. An example of an invitation could be inviting a contact during your initial conversation to the next Chi Alpha ministry happening and ask if you can pick them up for it.
   • Have somewhere to write down notes about a contact that you make plans with so you remember details about them the next time you see them.
     • Name & number/snapchat etc.
     • What dorm are they staying in
     • Impressions of spiritual receptivity
     • Hobbies, majors etc
   • Look at the FUNDAMENTAL BEHAVIORS related to "FIGHTING FOR" lower on this page
6. Filter if you cannot fight Are they okay with you, Jesus, and your community, and do they want one?
   • How do you assess if you should filter or fight for a contact from your intro conversation?
     • If by the end of your conversation you have talked about your God, your christian community and you have tried to make a next step plan but they will not agree to a plan or if you cannot get through all the above steps before they start trying to disengage then you should probably filter the connection. The one exception to that would be during moments like welcome week where the student is naturally averse to creating commitments, but even then they should seem open to your invitations and pursuit in the future.
   • How to filter if they're not ok with you, Jesus, or your community
     • Take this moment to minister and then move on if nothing happens. Skip fighting for them in the future as they are not ready to be pursued, but rather jump to Fighting For them in that moment by creating a Truth or Power encounter.
     • Ask God for a word for them
     • Share you believe in a God who hears us and asking if there is anything you can pray for them about
     • Share something from your testimony for them to wrestle with when you leave them.

Questions You May Have:

Do I do this approach with those naturally in my life such as coworkers and classmates? The answer is no, this outline has intentional outreach in mind as its context. If you are interacting with those in your world then there is no filtering those relationships so you need to be friendly instead of finding or filtering people based on the 3 criteria. For a fuller breakdown of how to approach Finding in your world look at the below behavior in this Finding section titled "Express a lifestyle of ministry to your larger world".

Creating Habits In Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: When you have more capacity to feed people and no one to pour into

ROUTINE: Get on campus and start placing yourself to meet someone new

REWARD: Always having a healthy number of people to Fight For and Feed in your small group.

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Go to on campus presence once a month

  » Finding Through Power Encounters »

Below is an outline for meeting someone initially. This outline looks to help you access their openness to you, Jesus & your community by emphasizing a Holy Spirit guided and lead approach

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• No little people, no little places
• Stop praying God use me and start praying God make me useable

WHY Is Breaking Down How To Meet Someone Beneficial?

The US military can be argued to be the most powerful military force in the history of the world. An adage that the US military often has reinforced in their strategizing is that "the plans fly out the window with the first encounter with the enemy" and yet while they know that their plans will likely have to adjust they have a conviction to create the most elaborate and detailed plans before every major military action. The question that naturally comes up is if they expect their plans to change then why bother?

The answer in brief is that they have found it is much better to adjust from a detailed plan than to "wing it" as the military action unfolds. In part that is because having a plan creates a framework to more easily and creatively adjust to the situation than without it. The below outline is not meant to be restrictive for you, but the very opposite. As you step out to connect with students on your campus it can be helpful to have a plan for how your conversations will look initially and then you can adjust or double down on the parts of this outline as your conversation unfolds. It is also helpful to think through how you will access whether to start Fighting For or filter this contact. Without that plan you often find yourself not sure where to take the connection next. Too often small group leaders either start Fighting For every contact they make, or never Fight for a contact because they didn't have a plan for how to take that next step when they first made the connection.

One warning before we begin is that while you should strive to filfill all of the the below steps before the end of the conversation, it is rare for a conversation to be quite so linear. If for example the fact that your part of a campus ministry comes up before you get to talk much about who they are than go with it. Just don't forget to steer the conversation to them as well before the conversation ends. In this way the below steps can be seen less like steps to a destination and more like puzzle pieces to a picture of whether they would be open to being Fought For. We still call them steps though because some parts of this progression are more linear in nature and the below outline would probably be the most common progression we have found in our interractions with students on our campus.

The BEHAVIOR Broken down

1. Place yourself You wont get anywhere unless you go somewhere.
   • Find the Friends of those who you are Feeding to Fight For
   • Go to the cafeteria over lunch
   • Spend the afternoon on the IM fields
   • Prioritize welcome week in your schedule and treat it like a missions trip
2. Pray For Who Or What
   • Before you go out, spend a few moments and just wait on the Holy Spirit. Ask Him for guidance on where to go and who to look for. You may sense you should go to a specific place on campus or to look for someone with a specific logo on their shirt. Use those things you sense to guide you as you go out to minister.
   • If you find someone you would like to talk to (whether or not they were someone you had previously been looking for), then take a moment and pray before approaching them. Ask the Lord if there is a specific word or Scripture He would like you to share with them. Once you sense the Lord's direction in the moment then approach them.
3. Start the conversation
   • Preface that you are part of a campus ministry or a Christian, and that you are on campus asking the Lord who to share with, and you felt like the Lord told you to approach them.
   • Often it can be a good idea to intro with something that lets them know you wont take up more than a moment of their time. Something like "Don't worry I won't take up more than a moment, but as I was walking by I felt like the Lord told me that ..."
4. Let them respond
   • If they respond positively at this point then you can let the conversation develop more fully but be considerate of their time as you mentioned that early on. If they are engaging though don't walk away, but rather linger and let things develop.
   • If they respond, but state that what you shared doesn't fit with their situation, than just say that you are practicing having the Lord direct what you share and that you don't always get it right, but that you would be happy to pray for them if their is anything they would like prayer for.
   • If they respond with dis-interest than thank them for their time and move on.
5. Mention Chi Alpha if it hasn’t come up yet
   • If you are having a positive ministry moment than make sure to mention Chi Alpha and ask if they have any history with a campus ministry.
6. Try to make a next step plan with them
   • Make a plan to hang out with them again before your initial conversation wraps up. Examples could include inviting them to something that the ministry is up to in the near future, or plan to do something with them that they are into (pursue). An example of the latter could be if you discovered that they are into running while you were asking them questions about themselves. On the spot make a plan to go running the next day and ask if they would like to go with you. Sometimes making a plan on the spot and inviting them into it is a great way to pursue their interests while coming across casually. You could say "I'm thinking of going running in the morning with some friends. Would you like to come with us?" If their interested than call your running buddies right after you leave the contact and tell them that you are planning to go running with a new contact and ask them to join you. An example of an invitation could be inviting a contact during your initial conversation to the next Chi Alpha ministry happening and ask if you can pick them up for it.
   • Have somewhere to write down notes about a contact that you make plans with so you remember details about them as you begin to fight for them.
     • Name & number/snapchat etc.
     • What dorm are they staying in
     • Impressions of spiritual receptivity
     • Hobbies, majors etc
   • Look at the FUNDAMENTAL BEHAVIORS related to "FIGHTING FOR" lower on this page
7. Filter if you cannot fight Are they okay with you, Jesus, and your community, and do they want one?
   • How do you assess if you should filter or fight for a contact from your intro conversation?
     • If by the end of your conversation you have talked about your God, your christian community and you have tried to make a next step plan but they will not agree to a plan or if you cannot get through all the above steps before they start trying to disengage then you should probably filter the connection. The one exception to that would be during moments like welcome week where the student is naturally averse to creating commitments, but even then they should seem open to your invitations and pursuit in the future.
   • How to filter if they're not ok with you, Jesus, or your community
     • Take this moment to minister and then move on if nothing happens. Skip fighting for them in the future as they are not ready to be pursued, but rather jump to Fighting For them in that moment by creating a Truth or Power encounter.

Questions You May Have:

Do I do this approach with those naturally in my life such as coworkers and classmates? The answer is no this outline has intentional outreach in mind as its context, but it can be easily adjusted to someone in your life. Looking for opportunities to pray and share what the Lord has given you for them can be some of the most powerful contexts for ministering in this way. For a fuller breakdown of how to approach Finding in your world look at the below behavior in this Finding section titled "Express a lifestyle of ministry to your larger world".

Creating Habits In Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: When you have more capacity to feed people and no one to pour into

ROUTINE: Get on campus and start placing yourself to meet someone new

REWARD: Always having a healthy number of people to Fight For and Feed in your small group.

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Go to on campus presence once a month

  » Finding Through Truth Encounters »

Below is an outline for meeting someone initially. This outline looks to help you access their openness to you, Jesus & your community by emphasizing a Gospel truth approach

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• No little people, no little places
• Stop praying God use me and start praying God make me useable

WHY Is Breaking Down How To Meet Someone Beneficial?

The US military can be argued to be the most powerful military force in the history of the world. An adage that the US military often has reinforced in their strategizing is that "the plans fly out the window with the first encounter with the enemy" and yet while they know that their plans will likely have to adjust they have a conviction to create the most elaborate and detailed plans before every major military action. The question that naturally comes up is if they expect their plans to change then why bother?

The answer in brief is that they have found it is much better to adjust from a detailed plan than to "wing it" as the military action unfolds. In part that is because having a plan creates a framework to more easily and creatively adjust to the situation than without it. The below outline is not meant to be restrictive for you, but the very opposite. As you step out to connect with students on your campus it can be helpful to have a plan for how your conversations will look initially and then you can adjust or double down on the parts of this outline as your conversation unfolds. It is also helpful to think through how you will access whether to start Fighting For or filter this contact. Without that plan you often find yourself not sure where to take the connection next. Too often small group leaders either start Fighting For every contact they make, or never Fight for a contact because they didn't have a plan for how to take that next step when they first made the connection.

One warning before we begin is that while you should strive to filfill all of the the below steps before the end of the conversation, it is rare for a conversation to be quite so linear. If for example the fact that your part of a campus ministry comes up before you get to talk much about who they are than go with it. Just don't forget to steer the conversation to them as well before the conversation ends. In this way the below steps can be seen less like steps to a destination and more like puzzle pieces to a picture of whether they would be open to being Fought For. We still call them steps though because some parts of this progression are more linear in nature and the below outline would probably be the most common progression we have found in our interractions with students on our campus.

The BEHAVIOR Broken down

1. Place yourself You wont get anywhere unless you go somewhere.
   • Find the Friends of those who you are Feeding to Fight For
   • Go to the cafeteria over lunch
   • Spend the afternoon on the IM fields
   • Prioritize welcome week in your schedule and treat it like a missions trip
2. Intro yourself
   • It can often be helpful to start a Gospel centered conversation by saying you are part of a campus ministry and that you are walking around asking people questions related to faith.
3. Start the conversation
   • Ask a question over making a statement. Try to avoid questions that can be answered "Yes" or "No"
   • It can be helpful to connect your intro question to something happening intuitively in the world at that moment
     • If it's near Easter then ask something like "What do you think about the story of Jesus rising from the dead?"
     • If a tragedy has happened in the world than ask "What their thoughts are regarding ..." and then minister from there.
     • If there's a street preacher stirring up a crowd then it can be helpful to just ask people listening "What do you think about what they are sharing?"
   • If people are not interested than politely say have a good day and move on
4. Talk about their thoughts or concerns
   • It can be helpful to dive into their thoughts deeper than just an intro question. This also helps you keep from just debating your perspectives that can often lead to talking over each other.
   • Steer the conversation by asking directed questions or challenging questions to their perspectives.
5. Share the Gospel and if possible minister in the moment
   • As you discuss their thoughts or after letting them share their perspective for a little bit make sure to present the Gospel perspective.
   • If possible look for an opportunity to pray for them or minister to their specific situation.
6. Mention Chi Alpha if it hasn’t come up yet
   • Ask them if they have any history with Christian community and mention your campus ministry.
7. Talk about them if you are having a good conversation People like talking about themselves. It honors them and gives you insight into their lives.
   • You are trying to answer 2 big questions through asking them questions
     1. Would this person be interested, or at least open to me pursuing a friendship with them? See "WHO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR" previously on this page for more details.
        • Look for commonalities with you
        • Look for things they could teach you
        • Start thinking about things you could set up during this conversation to do with them next. See step 5 below for more details on making next steps, but here you are looking for ideas to use in step 5.
     2. How could I pursue time with this contact in person in the future? See the Fight For section on this page for more details. In brief you are trying to personally answer this question during your initial conversation by answering HOW you could pursue them in space and interests.
        • How could I pursue time with them in their space? Do you know what dorm they live in, what their class schedule is like, when and where they seem to have free time? Could you stop by their dorm or hang out with them after their class for example? If you don't have a way to pursue them after that initial contact than it will be very difficult to take the next step in fighting for them after your immediate conversation.
        • How could I pursue time with them through their interests? Said another way; what are they into that could help me pursue time with them in the future? This has all ready been touched on previously in this step, but where we were previously asking the question "Would this person be interested in me pursuing a friendship with them" we also want to answer the HOW question through those same topics. For example imagine that I picked up on the fact that a contact I just met loves to ski, but do I know if they are planning on getting a ski pass this year or they going to be too busy this year to go? Are they looking for people to ski with or do they have a community who they all ready go with regularly? If I don't ski, but would like to learn, would they enjoy teaching a newbie or do they prefer to go with people comperable with their skill level? Is this conversation happening after the ski season is wrapping up and doesn't have a good possibility of translating into time with them at any near date? In summary you want to find ideas of how to pursue time with them in person practically in the near future through your questions about them. Remember come accross casually but engaged.
   • Practical tips for steering the conversation through questions.
     • Ask deeper questions about however you started the converstaion. This is generally a better approach than shotgunning lots of different topics at them in rapid succession.
     • Ask open ended questions (questions that cannot be answered with a "yes" or "no". For example don't ask an Engineering student "do you like Engineering". A better question would be to ask "What got you interested in studying Engineering".
8. Try to make a next step plan with them
   • Make a plan to hang out with them again before your initial conversation wraps up. Examples could include inviting them to something that the ministry is up to in the near future, or plan to do something with them that they are into (pursue). An example of the latter could be if you discovered that they are into running while you were asking them questions about themselves. On the spot make a plan to go running the next day and ask if they would like to go with you. Sometimes making a plan on the spot and inviting them into it is a great way to pursue their interests while coming across casually. You could say "I'm thinking of going running in the morning with some friends. Would you like to come with us?" If their interested than call your running buddies right after you leave the contact and tell them that you are planning to go running with a new contact and ask them to join you. An example of an invitation could be inviting a contact during your initial conversation to the next Chi Alpha ministry happening and ask if you can pick them up for it.
   • Have somewhere to write down notes about a contact that you make plans with so you remember details about them as you begin to fight for them.
     • Name & number/snapchat etc.
     • What dorm are they staying in
     • Impressions of spiritual receptivity
     • Hobbies, majors etc
   • Look at the FUNDAMENTAL BEHAVIORS related to "FIGHTING FOR" lower on this page
9. Filter if you cannot fight Are they okay with you, Jesus, and your community, and do they want one?
   • How do you assess if you should filter or fight for a contact from your intro conversation?
     • If by the end of your conversation you have talked about your God, your christian community and you have tried to make a next step plan but they will not agree to a plan or if you cannot get through all the above steps before they start trying to disengage then you should probably filter the connection. The one exception to that would be during moments like welcome week where the student is naturally averse to creating commitments, but even then they should seem open to your invitations and pursuit in the future.
   • How to filter if they're not ok with you, Jesus, or your community
     • Take this moment to minister and then move on if nothing happens. Skip fighting for them in the future as they are not ready to be pursued, but rather jump to Fighting For them in that moment by creating a Power or Love encounter.
     • Ask God for a word for them
     • Share you believe in a God who hears us and asking if there is anything you can pray for them about
     • If you can find a way to shift the conversation into a "love encounter" by moving the conversation into their hobbies, interestes, etc. than you can sometimes see if they are more interested in making a next step plan with you after they get to know you better. See "Finding Through Love Encounters" above.

Questions You May Have:

Do I do this approach with those naturally in my life such as coworkers and classmates? The answer is no this outline has intentional outreach in mind as its context, however many of the attributes of this outline can easily be adjusted to be used when ministering to people in your life. Certainly giving truth encounters to people in your life should be a regular component to your life. For a fuller breakdown of how to approach Finding in your world look at the below behavior in this Finding section titled "Express a lifestyle of ministry to your larger world".

Creating Habits In Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: When you have more capacity to feed people and no one to pour into

ROUTINE: Get on campus and start placing yourself to meet someone new

REWARD: Always having a healthy number of people to Fight For and Feed in your small group.

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Go to on campus presence once a month

WHAT IS FIGHTING FOR AND WHY IT MATTERS

Fighting For people to experience KPR through interactions with your friendship, your community and your God.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Philippians 2: 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

Maxims and Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Something must be loved before it becomes lovely
• People who love you will eventually love what you love

WHY Do We "Fight For" People?

I remember my former director, Eli Gautreaux, talking about how he met a Chi Alpha small group leader and how that leader started pursuing him. Eli, who didn’t want to be in this guy's small group, would avoid the small group leader whenever he came to Eli’s dorm by not answering the door and even turning off anything making noise in his room so the small group leader wouldn’t think he was there. Eli is easily one of the most impactful and influential leaders in Chi Alpha’s history and yet he didn’t want anything to do with Jesus or Chi Alpha for a long time. It was only the resilient pursuit of a student leader who wouldn’t give up on Eli that eventually led to Eli’s life forever being changed.

To make a disciple maker is to empower someone to emulate Jesus in how he imparted the Kingdom of God into the world during His incarnation. Of all we do in Chi Alpha to raise up disciple makers this may well be the most unique and most valuable skill and conviction that we impart. I have a friend in XA who said after leaving a pastoral position to join XA the biggest thing he learned was that you actually could empower the church to serve and sacrifice for the world outside of the walls of the church building. The church has rightly said that people must belong before they believe but what happens when they don’t want to belong? We must belong, belong to their world, their lives, to them so they might believe. We must pursue them. In a world of surface connections and friendships built largely on convenience, to have someone be intentional to pursue them in time, attention and affection is radical. Few things speak of the love of Christ to those who are spiritually dead than to join Christ in the fight for this world.

WHAT Does “Fighting For” People Mean?

When we talk about Fighting For people we mean that we are striving for them to experience something for the purpose of them committing in some way. If a spouse were to say they were fighting for their marriage it would generally mean they were striving for their partner to experience their love and devotion so they would continue in their commitment to one another. In the lense of creating a small group community when a leader says they are "Fighting For" a connection they made they are saying that they are fighting for them to experience their friendship, their community, and the love of Jesus with the heart for them to join (commit to) their small group. Fighting For people as a small group leader can be broken down further into two key expressions of invitation and pursuit. In both inviting people to something or pursuing them in some way you are seeking to find time with them by creating space to be together where they can encounter the three forms of friendship we are offering them to be a part of (you, God & your community).

• Invitations are opportunities for someone to experience your friendship, Jesus or your community by inviting them into your space. Examples of invitations could include inviting to a weekend activity for a community encounter or to OP Live for a Jesus truth encounter.
• To pursue someone is to pursue time with them so they can experience the three forms of friendship by pursuing them in their space or interests. Pursuit could include things like letting them teach you something they are into, or make plans to grab a meal with them in their freshmen cafeteria. Pursuit could also include stopping by their dorm to just say hi for an encounter of your friendship or asking if you can pray for them as an opportunity for them to experience Jesus' power.

In contrast to Feeding, Fighting For people is to Fight For them to experience the Kingdom so they join your Small Group, then we Feed them Kingdom convictions so they can learn to express the Kingdom in their own life.

When you are Fighting For people to join your Small Group you want them to encounter all three of the classifications of people we talk about in Finding. Aka you (your friendship), your community & your God. Typically this means emphasizing which ever of those three they most want and pushing for them to experience the others through that one. For example if someone is looking for community then emphasize the larger community and make sure they encounter your friendship as you serve them and be intentional for them to encounter your God within that community interaction.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Always try to give people experiences with all three relationship contexts when you are Fighting For them: You, Jesus & your community
• Within you, Jesus & your community emphasize what they want and through it push them to what they need. For example the friendship doesn't have to be built on Jesus if they aren't there but are responding to a friendship with you. However they have to be ok with Jesus being around and as you emphasize your friendship you push them to Jesus through it.
• Fighting For behaviors are largely based on the conviction creation principle "Play" as you are trying to get a contact to encounter and interact with you, Jesus and your community in an enjoyable and memorable way with the hope of developing interest that leads to joining your SG. To read more on how Play helps with Fighting For contacts Click Here.

WHAT DO THESE BEHAVIORS SAY ABOUT WHO WE ARE?

We are a ministry who focus on the purpose of making disciple makers out of CSU students who can transform the university, the market place & the world for the cause of Christ as they learn to let God do through them what He has done in them.

We see a day when every student on campus is relationally connected to someone who is fighting for Christ on the campus. We want a christian in every atheist's life challenging their rebellion from God. We want a christian expressing the love of Christ in every agnostic's world when they go through a crisis. We want a christian relationally tethered to every prodigal calling them back.

Click Here for a flow chart of the finding and fighting for process in intentional outreach

EMPHASIZE WHAT THEY WANT, PUSH WHAT THEY NEED

Start by emphasizing what they want amongst the 3 frames of friendship (you, Jesus, your community), and through that friendship frame push them to what they need

CONCEPTS SUCH AS WITHIN 3 FRAMES OF FRIENDSHIP PURSUE AND INVITE EMPHASIZING WHAT THEY WANT AND THROUGH IT PUSH THEM INTO WHAT THEY NEED.
SOMETIMES THEN WORK WITH WHAT THEIR LEVEL OF AVAILABILITY/DESIRE

• MAYBE THE 10 MINUTE THING SHOULD BE HERE

  » What if they are too busy to Fight For them well? »

Talk about pursue primarily for 3 weeks than invite only or make a plan for rhythms of relationship

FOR THOSE WHO ARE BUSY/NOT AVAILABLE.

tension of life together, relaxed love rel, etc. Dick Foth example. Better to work with 10 minutes.

GO TO WHERE THEY ARE BETWEEN CLASS,

MY STORY OF FOOTBALL TEAM AND FRATERNITY. THEY CAME TO ME. TIME WAS SHORT. ME TALKING TO DICK FOTH ABOUT CEO'S AND ...

PRO TIP: SERVE THEM IN SOME WAY OR SYNERGIZE WITH WHAT THEY NEED ANYWAYS. LOOK FOR OPEN ENDED TRANSITION MOMENTS

I they’re busy or think they’re busy then pointers are

1. look for a transition moment in their life, ideally open ended but not necessary,
2. second ask for 10 minutes and make it count (you might get an hour)
3. third serve them in someway if you can
4. try to make it a habit. once a week or even once a month regularly, even if its short, is better than fighting for more before they are ready or able to meet you there.

1 IN PERSON PURSUIT EACH WEEK FOR 3 WEEKS

You should immediately begin to fight for the friendship with a new contact by pursuing them in person each week for three weeks

Click Here for a flow chart of the finding and fighting for process in intentional outreach

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

Jesus' interactions with Peter before He called Peter to follow Him.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Pursue intensely but come across casually

• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

• We are not an attractional ministry

• Over my dead body am I going to let you live a stupid life
• Something must be loved before it becomes lovable
• Small group is not a weekly meeting but it has one

Why Do We Have This Behavior For SG Leaders?

Some small group leaders will find one or two contacts who seem interested and will fill their capacity fighting for those couple people and never have enough people to really create community. On the flip side others will find as many people as possible without ever doing a good job following up and pursuing those contacts. Both typically struggle with knowing who to "Fight For" and for how long you should fight before filtering a connection for the sake of finding or fighting for other connections. Neither is necessarily sure how to fight for contacts they made. This behavior is at the core of what Fighting For someone means, and is the launching pad for all the other forms of "Fighting For" a connection. Doing it once a week for 3 weeks gives you a good baseline to know whether to filter a contact or focus more energy on investing into them and your developing friendship while also finding and fighting for other connections you have made. While pursuing a connection once a week in person does not have to be a maximum, it is a good minimum, and frees you to "Fight For" other contacts as well.

WHAT Do We Mean By 1 in person pursuit each week for 3 weeks?

When we say you should pursue someone in person we mean you should pursue time with them in their space. Pursuit is in contrast to invitation where we are still seeking time with them but now in our space. When we say to pursue them in their space we mean you should go to where they are. That might mean letting them teach you something they love to do, stop by their dorm to say hey spontaniously, take the initiative to schedule a meal in their dining hall. Essentially its creating time with them by going to their world.

You might ask if this means 1 successful pursuit, where you got time with the contact, or just 1 attempt with no consideration whether it worked or not. The answer is I'm not sure their is an absolute answer here but their are a couple core principles to keep in mind. For one you should follow the maxim "Pursue intensely but come accross casually". If for example you attempted to reach out to them for lunch and they were too busy than it might not be "coming accross casually" to then try the same thing for the next few days. If however you say stoped by the plaza after you knew their class ended to say hey, but you missed them, than you could try something else later. One distincion in the above examples is their awareness of your pursuit. You want them to know that you care enough about getting time with them to pursue them even if it doesn't work. On the flip side our culture is not used to people going out of their way to spend time with them and until they come to understand the convictions of the Kingdom for how valuable they are to God and to us, it may come accross strange. This brings up the other principle to think about. Namely that unless the Holy Spirit guides you differently, you should have one pursuit a week where they know you were going out of your way to reach out to them.

We can often break "Pursuing in Person" into "Pursue Where They Are" and "Pursue What They Are Into". While we will go further with these concepts below, it is worth noting here that if you pursued one way last week and it didn't work than try another way this week. Once you find something that works for you to successfully pursue them in person than keep to that and make it a habit for the immediate future. One year as I sought to build a small group community from scratch I found that a number of the students I had met were living in the same dorm and were part of the same major. As a result they had a simular schedule and I knew I could stop by their dorm rooms on tuesday afternoons and likely catch them hanging out. If I didn't catch them than I would do something like text them and ask if I could join them next time they were going to the rec to workout. As a result I found most of them over time had a growing connection and commitment to me and my small group.

We don't mean that "Pursuing in Person Once a Week" is the only thing you should do. We sometimes say its a good idea to strive for 3 connections a week with someone your "Feeding". Even if you are in the phase of "Fighting For" them it is still a good idea to invite and not just pursue. Keeping that in mind it is best if you invite them during time spent together in moments of pursuing. We'll get more into that below. While this may change at different times of the semester (welcome week for example may sometimes be an exception) it is generally good to have one attempted pursuit and one attempted invitation a week initially and if you are successful in getting time with them than you can do more from there.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Make sure you don't take too long before you pursue in person. If you didn't make a plan with them during your initial interraction, or you did but they backed out, than plan to pursue them in the next couple of days. If you did have a successful hangout after your initial connection than pursue them again the next week.

• Whenever you are with a contact make a plan for the next time you'll hang out.

• You want to "pursue intensely but come across casually" so think of natural ways to pursue such as seeing if you can grab dinner at their dorms, or setting up an activity that they are into. For example if they are into basketball than see if other small group leaders want to play basketball that weekend and invite your contact.

• In Fighting for someone do the most relationally focused form of communication and go down from there. Our world often likes to do the least relationally focused form of communication and if necessary go up in communication forms from there. An example of the cultural norm could be to text a contact if you want to invite them to a SG gathering and if they don't respond then maybe call and if you're really trying to follow up then maybe stop by and say hi in person. Good SG leaders will reverse this form of communication by putting yourself out there in the most relationally vulnerable and present place whenever possible and working backwards from there.

Creating Habits In Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Every leadership meeting - have a plan for the week

ROUTINE: 1 pursuit with each person not yet in your small group

REWARD: Small group is a community of committed individuals to the group

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Spend 1 hour a week to randomly stop by the place of contacts your Fighting For

  » Go To Where They Are »

PURSUE INTENSELY BUT COME ACCROSS CASUALLY

MANY COMPONENTS OF ABOVE WHY WE FIGHT

  » Do What They Are Into »

CAN BE PURSUIT OR INVITE BUT OFTEN NEEDS TO BE THROUGH YOU TAKING INITIATIVE EARLY ON WHY HERE.

To pursue someone in their world includes pursuing their hobbies and interests with them

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• The kingdom of God is established in relationship
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them

WHY is engaging in someone's interests important to pursuing someone?

I remember one year of small group leading where I had the majority of my group in the theater department at the university. I felt like the wrong person to lead this group because I had no history with theater. In fact if you asked me what group on campus would I have the hardest time connecting with I probably would have said thespians. I just didn’t know anything about what it was like in their world. However there I was leading a group of theater freshmen. I started doing the only thing I knew to do, and that was to ask questions. I asked about their classes, their performances. I learned about the different skills of building a set, and the different kinds of exercises the musical theater students did. I went to their shows and got to know their community.

What I originally thought was a weakness would turn out to be a strength. What I would discover was that it wasn’t so important for me to know about the things they were passionate about, but it was important for me to engage them in what they were into. In fact as I was almost always acting as the leader, I found these times, where they were teaching me, very healthy for our friendships. It was honoring what they were passionate about and it said I wasn’t too proud to sit at their feet as they taught me something.

While pursuing someone in any way is good it can be helpful to emphasize pursuing them in their interests because that is where they are most alive and often is the means for them to be most likely to respond to your pursuit.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. Ask questions about their interests whenever your together even if your not interested.
2. Suggest doing their interest together if possible. If they love rock climbing than ask if they would like to teach you on saturday, etc.
3. What do I do if I have no interest in their interests? You don't have to fake it or force interest where there is none but you should show interest in them by creating a habit of asking about their passions and periodically engaging in their interests where possible

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the QUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

QUE: Each time you see them during the Fighting For phase

ROUTINE: Talk about their interest with them, or make a plan to do something they are into

REWARD: Contacts who feel valued in your friendship

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Once a week do something in line with a contacts interests and invite others to join.

1 INVITATION EACH WEEK FOR 3 WEEKS

  » Dont Invite Unless In Person »

You know you need to physically pursue their space when you can't invite them to whats next in another context. your world, or them coming to another invitation.

  » Invite Into The Larger Community »

Invite people you are fighting for into your cohort relationships, or corporate ministry rhythms like OP live, retreats, dig ins or weekend hangouts

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• > Acts 2: 42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

• Acts 9: 26 When he (Paul) came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. 27 But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus. 28 So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely in Jerusalem, speaking boldly in the name of the Lord.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself

• The kingdom of God is established in relationship

• Being a disciple maker means finding, fighting for and feeding people

• Bring them or else they won't come

• The 4 C's of community: constant forgiveness, common understanding, common unselfishness and commitment

WHY Is Inviting Into The Larger Ministry Community Important?

> When I first joined staff with Chi Alpha at the University of Northern Colorado we were very small with about thirty students actively part of the ministry and the vast majority of those were girls. Now I was charged to help build our men’s side of the ministry and so went out to build a small group. While I seemed to be able to get connections easily enough, and could even get many of them to come to my weekly meeting, there was a sense of brotherhood that was always missing and I knew it. The guys would come to my small group meeting but they would rarely spend time with each other outside of the meeting, and almost all of them would join or be part of other ministries where they could get a sense of community instead of our ministry where we were trying to create it. Now while in retrospect part of the problem was with me and my understanding of how to facilitate community creation, I would experience a completely different level of interest in, commitment to, and impact within my small group when I went to do my internship at Sam Houston State University, where they had a strong community to invite connections into. I remember guys who were not christians asking me how to join my small group because I kept introducing them to the larger community, and the faith conversations I seemed to be able to have so quickly because the connections I was fighting for were connecting to what this community was about. I remember a couple of my staff who helped me pioneer CSU and who came from that XA talking about how they were shocked to see a whole community of people their age raising hands and worshiping Jesus. It created curiosity in them that the small group they then joined was able to guide them in discovering

> Sometimes small group leaders feel like the larger ministry identity is not as important to emphasize as the small group community, or they think that it will be important only after they get a connection to buy into their small group. However experience has shown that a small group leader is not as effective at creating a small group if they deemphasize the larger ministry while trying to fight for someone. Broadly this is for two reasons.

> One is that a connection is normally more likely to buy into the more tight knit small group if they think that is how they get connected to the larger community. Someone needs to be ok with you, Jesus and your community if you are going to have a decent chance at having a relationship that you can walk out faith with, but it’s not enough for them to be ok with those three relational contexts. They have to want one, and two or all three is better. Typically, though certainly not always, the thing that connections want at first is a sense of community. As you work on building a small group there is no community to invite connections into. Even if you have a number of connections quickly, who you could start to create a small group community with, you are not inviting them into the community, but rather are inviting them to create a community. While this works if they all want a friendship with you from the beginning, and you can create connections quickly, you and your small group will rarely be enough of a community for a college student.

> Even if they really don’t want to be part of the larger community they need to be. This brings us to the second reason to emphasize the larger community when you are trying to fight for connections you have. The norms, behaviors, habits and expectations of how a group operates are created very quickly. In fact you could say that is the first thing that is being forged when you get together with a connection or any new group. If your group is communicating and creating “culture” from day one, then you need what is communicated to be how you want your small group to be. By yourself you cannot create culture, but rather the values of the majority forge the culture for the group. That is especially true if the encounters with the larger community leave them wanting to be part of the culture of that community. I was just speaking with a small group leader who commented that the girls she was fighting for really started to commit when they were invited to a birthday party with a number of the other small group leaders in attendance. The sense of love, honor and life giving interactions they observed caused them to buy into this SG leaders community even more, and shaped how they strived to be with each other as a result of how the larger community was with each other. See “[> THE BELIEFS MOST EXPRESSED IN YOUR COMMUNITY][0]> ” in the conviction creation section for more on this concept.

Questions You May Have

> What kind of larger community activities should I emphasize first?

> While you want to have someone you are Fighting For encounter all three classes of people we talk about in Finding during the Fighting For phase on a regular basis, you want to emphasize the context that will most give them what they want and push them to what they need. For example if they are looking for community then invite them into relational time with your cohort or pre-established SG, serve them in your friendship during that time by helping them feel connected with the group and talk about the Lord when together with your brothers or sisters.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. > Bring them early & make the larger community a normal aspect of your SG rhythm
2. > Bring them or they won't come
3. > Introduce them to lots of people while there
4. > Make sure they are never the "odd man out" for more than 30 seconds or they will be looking for the door

5. Creating Love and laughter after an event, if not intuitively part of the event, will help them come back next time.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life:What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

> CUE: Each Sunday leadership gathering think through a plan for the week

> ROUTINE: Talk about ministry events when you see your connections, and make plans to personally bring them

> REWARD: SG members who more readily commit to you and Jesus

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit:A small tangible habit that has a big impact

> Make one of the three connections you have each week focused on them encountering the larger community

Reading & Other Resources

• [The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business][1]
• [No Silver Bullets: Five Small Shifts That Will Transform Your Ministry][2]

CREATE POWER ENCOUNTERS

Giving people opportunities to encounter God

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• John 1: 43 The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. Finding Philip, he said to him, “Follow me.” 44 Philip, like Andrew and Peter, was from the town of Bethsaida. 45 Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” 46 “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked. “Come and see,” said Philip. 47 When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.” 48 “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked. Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.” 49 Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel.” 50 Jesus said, “You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.”

• John 14: 12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever
• You emulate what you elevate, you elevate what you entertain
• If you are too busy to pray, then you’re busier than God wants you to be

WHY Are Power Encounters Important When Fighting For Someone?

I once heard the testimony of a Christian psychologist who worked with women who had experienced physical trauma. After years of trying to help them the psychologist was frustrated with the lack of impact he was having in their lives so he decided to have them ask God how He saw them and invited the Lord to speak His thoughts on their trauma. The women each began to sense the Lord speak love, affirmation and redemption over them. In no time the women began to experience breakthroughs far beyond what the Christian psychologist had led them into. When he asked them why he hadn't been able to lead them into that level of freedom, after all he had regularly shared the Biblical perspective and God's promises with them, they responded "Well you aren't God ''. What they needed was an experience with God even over knowledge about God.

A Power Encounter is something that makes God's love tangible and His promises real to us in a way that almost nothing else can. It is God saying I'm here, I'm real and I care. What is needed is like Philip did for Nathaniel, for God's people to invite their world to not just interact with them and their faith but to go straight to the source.

WHAT Are Power Encounters?

Power encounters are moments when God ministers to people directly. Power encounters however often do not happen without the partnership of God's people. When we pray for the sick, when we ask God for a word for someone, when we create opportunities for them to pursue God in their own situations we are partnering with God to create a Power Encounter.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. Start praying for people you are Fighting For and ask God for a word for them.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Ask if their is something you can pray for within the first week of meeting someone new.

ROUTINE: Pray in the faith that God can heal, deliver, speak, etc and that He loves when we seek Him.

REWARD: Deep buy in to you, your community and Jesus as people begin to encounter the risen Christ

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Share that you have been praying for them with any connection you are fighting for before they join your small group or filter out of your life.

Reading & Other Resources

• Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi. A great breakdown of the need for encountering love, truth and power before conversion.
• CHARLES H. KRAFT—THREE ENCOUNTERS IN CHRISTIAN WITNESS

CREATE TRUTH ENCOUNTERS

Giving people opportunities to encounter and interact with the truth of God in their life.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Matthew 28: 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
• Luke 9:26 Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.
• Acts 17: When Paul and his companions had passed through Amphipolis and Apollonia, they came to Thessalonica, where there was a Jewish synagogue. 2 As was his custom, Paul went into the synagogue, and on three Sabbath days he reasoned with them from the Scriptures, 3 explaining and proving that the Messiah had to suffer and rise from the dead. “This Jesus I am proclaiming to you is the Messiah,” he said. 4 Some of the Jews were persuaded and joined Paul and Silas, as did a large number of God-fearing Greeks and quite a few prominent women.”
• Matthew 5:15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• You talk about what you love most
• You will be tomorrow where your thoughts about God have taken you today
• Embrace your awkward
• Care more about their future than your friendship

WHY Are Truth Encounters Important During The "Fighting For" Phase?

Sometimes SG leaders think that they can just build the friendship and get to Jesus later. The problem is that you create habits in the friendship that are hard to break later. If you ever do suddenly start talking about Jesus on a regular basis after not ever bringing Him up then it feels like a "bait and switch" situation where you had a secret agenda you sprung on the friendship after the fact. If you create the expectation that you like talking about Jesus than you can more easily bring up your relationship with Jesus as part of the relationship with them without it being strange or unnecessarily awkward for you.

The biggest justification SG leaders will give is that they need a witness in their life but they are not ready for Jesus to be part of the friendship. The problem is that you are not being a witness. Yes some will choose to filter themselves from your friendship but you have to give them that chance. Fighting For people in your world to experience a truth encounter is how the world that doesn't want Jesus will experience Him. When it comes to intentional outreach Fight For or filter based on if they are ok with Jesus being in the room.

Sometimes SG leaders feel like bringing Jesus up is creating an agenda in the friendship. Yes you have an agenda but so does every friendship. As CS Lewis would state in "The Four Loves" “The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question "Do you see the same truth?" would be "I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend," no Friendship can arise - though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers.” The real question is whether your "agenda" is a worthy one. Most people don't think of friendships as having "agendas" because the agenda is in some way relational itself though through the lense of other things. As the Kingdom of God is built on an intrinsically relational God inviting us into a redeemed relationship with Him again we would say that the agenda of sharing the truth of the Gospel is about inviting people into authentic relationship that can only be found as part of the family of God, through meaningful relationship with you.

WHAT Are Truth Encounters?

Truth encounters are opportunities for people to wrestle with the truth of God in their life. It can apologetical as people wrestle with the truth of God's existence, or personal as you communicate what God has done for your life, it can certainly be discipleship driven as they face the proclamation of the Gospel in their life but it is in some way creating an opportunity for them to encounter the truth of God in their life. Our job is to give them that opportunity by being the witness of Gods work in the world

Questions You May Have

• Shouldn’t I just let Jesus come up naturally?

Their is a maxim that goes start with conscious incompetence and move to unconscious competence. If you are in a place where you just regularly bring Jesus up without thinking about it than great but for the rest of us it can help to be intentional.

• Doesn’t having to bring Jesus up make Him a task?

Only if you wouldn't want to bring Him up otherwise. If you desire to bring Him up then this behavior is just creating intentionality to push you to do it. Any athlete knows that a workout routine is awesome because it serves something greater. In this case we are seeking to create authentic kingdom centric relationships that only come from seeking Him together and at first often starts by sharing Him with them. If on the other hand you don’t want to bring Him up then it can change from fulfilling the ambition of your heart to drudgery but that comes with questions you should ask yourself. Do I have a thought life that is filling me with awe and wonder of Jesus? Have I surrendered my identity to Him as His child, and have I given this friendship to Him for me to foster with His love as He would call me to? If not than talking about Him can help stur us to shift our focus back to Him and off ourselves.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. Share your story, and ask good questions about theirs
2. Talk about Jesus with close Christian friends in front of people your trying to impact. No one likes to have nothing to contribute. Use this especially with non christians.
   • Look for any excuse to pray for them and create a Jesus power encounter
   • Ask Friends "What you got?", "What have you been reading", "What's God teaching you" etc.
3. Create Jesus truth encounters by talking about Jesus regularly. That said don't make Him the center of the relationship if He is not the center of their lives
4. Embrace your awkward and just go for it. Share thoughts questions or create moments for prayer whether their interested or not

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Whenever “hanging out” with someone you are Fighting For or Feeding

ROUTINE: Bring Jesus up at some point during your interaction

REWARD: Jesus is a regular and normal part of your relationships

Reading & Other Resources

• National XA small group leader podcast: Lead every conversation to Jesus

• The Four Loves by CS Lewis

ASK THEIR STORY

PRO TIPS: TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS. TALK ABOUT MOST MEANINGFUL MOMENTS IN THEIR LIFE. LEARN TO ASK QUESTIONS WELL.

DICK FOTH BOOK "KNOWN". DO VIDEO WITH DICK FOTH OR LOOK FOR YOUTUBE. SET THE TONE OF THE RELATIONSHIP EARLY. WHEN MERGED WITH LOVE THROUGH LAUGHTER IT CAN BE A POWERFUL COMBO

FOCUS ON FUN EARLY & REGULARLY

LOVE THROUGH LAUGHTER

COMBINED WITH DEEP QUESTIONS POWERFUL

COMMUNICATE BELONGING BEFORE THEY BELONG

Communicate belonging cues to prospective SG members. Contacts are far more likely to commit to your small group if they feel like they already feel affirmed in your relationship and that they belong to the group even before they have committed to it.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

• Ephesians 1: 15 For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, 16 I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• The kingdom of God is established in relationship
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them

WHY Is Intentionality In Communicating Belonging Important As You Fight For A Relationship?

A fascinating study was done where teams of people were created and given a project to do that they would be interested in, but they were also given a teammate who was actually an actor who communicated criticism or indifference. That one person would derail a team with as many as forty people in the room every time unless there was another person on the team who communicated belonging cues that could offset the actors influence. Studies such as that one show how powerful creating a sense of safety through emphasizing belonging can be to any group no matter how much history they may or may not have. As you fight for contacts or relationships in your life you will likely find that your effectiveness is in line with how well you create a sense of belonging to the group and to you.

WHAT Are Belonging Cues?

Have you ever felt valued and accepted in a relationship before you had meaningful history with that person? Oftentimes that comes whether intentionally or intuitively but from belonging ques being expressed to each other. Daniel Coyle in his book "The Culture Code '' spotlights Dr. Carl Marci's research on a neurological response that he calls concordance interactions. Marci used tools to track galvanic skin response (the change in electrical resistance that measures emotional arousal) and found that with people who could really listen and be present with another person, they had powerful moments of relational connection where their galvanic responses were in perfect sync. Marci says about these concordance interactions There's an accelerated change to the relationship that happens when you’re able to really listen, to be incredibly present with the person. It’s like a breakthrough-We were like this, but now we’re going to interact in a new way, and we both understand that it’s happened”. To interact with someone in a way that is meaningful goes further faster in creating friendship and value to our discipleship relationship than sometimes months of regular relational time without these kinds of interactions. Essentially belonging cues are things you do to express that they are valued and accepted in your relationship or group. Through them you are seeking to create an interaction where, at least in a clinical sense, the other person feels safe to connect or sync with you and the group. The below cues is an edited breakdown by Daniel Coyle in "The Culture Code ''.

• Leader communicating
  • Energy:
    • Invest in the exchange that is occuring
    • Deflect negativity
  • Individualization:
    • Treat the person as unique and valued.
    • The new person in the circle is most important to intentionally include with belonging cues. Who is not in the circle that you are trying to bring into the group?
  • Future Orientation:
    • Signal the relationship will continue with future oriented speech
• By the leader expressing/facilitating
  • Close physical proximity, often in circles of people
  • Profuse amounts of eye contact
  • Physical touch (handshakes, fist bumps, hugs)
  • Lots of short, energetic exchanges (no long speeches)
  • High levels of mixing: getting everyone to talk to everyone
  • Few interruptions
  • Interruptions shatter the smooth interactions at the core of belonging.
  • Lots of questions
  • Intensive, active listening
  • Humor, laughter (Love and Laughter sophin hard hearts)
  • Small, attentive courtesies (thank-yous, opening doors, etc.)
  • Serving them
• Forming a community around their life that model
  • Everyone in the group talking and listening in roughly equal measure, keeping contributions short
  • Members maintain high levels of eye contact, and their conversations and gestures are energetic
  • Members communicate directly with one another, not just with the team leader
  • Members carry on back channel or side conversations within the group
  • Members periodically break from group, doing things without the leader there.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. Think of how to express belonging before you see a contact.

2. Be extra intentional early on in Fighting For someone and with connections who are more relationally reserved when they are with you.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Whenever your spending time with someone your Fighting For

ROUTINE: Express at least one belonging cue with them intentionally

REWARD: Connections who more more quickly become friends

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Express excitement or enjoyment for seeing them whenever you initially see someone your Fighting For

Reading & Other Resources

• The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups by Daniel Coyle

REMEMBER WHAT THEY TOLD YOU LAST TIME AND ASK ABOUT IT

RUSSIANS OFFENDED IF YOU FORGOT.

text about the football game/test

NOT RESPONSIVE: FILTER

SOMEWHAT RESPONSIVE OR USED TO BE FAITHFUL: INVITE PERIODICALLY

MY STORY IN RUSSIA OF GUY NOT RESPONDING FOREVER BUT THEN BECAME BEST RECRUITER FOR MY SG

Once a week or once a month 10 second text invite costs you nothing but may find people in that moment they are ready for more.

RESPONSIVE: INVITE INTO YOUR SG WELL

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

Proverbs 29: 18 Where there is no vision, the people perish

Maxims/Quotes related to this behavior

• Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers.”. C.S. Lewis

• Love by nature binds itself

• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother “I have no need of you.”

WHY Is Inviting Someone Into Your Small Group An Important Step?

A common approach SG leaders take to creating a small group is to do all the work to Find and Fight For friends or contacts to join their SG but then to leave the actual commitment to their group up to the friend or contact to intuit. At most it can be common for the SG leader to think that by inviting their people to the weekly meeting they are assuming that commitment will be a natural understanding. This often leaves the prospective SG member assuming that SG is a weekly meeting with the commitment going as deep as whether or not they have time to attend that week. Even worse the allure of the group will quickly fade as the novelty of another meeting in their schedule does.

This approach is like trying to date a girl by scheduling a work study with her every week and hoping that she understands you think you're in a relationship. Even if creating space to do life together can be a helpful component to a relationship the guy is going to be heartbroken when the girl suddenly starts dating someone else or doesn't think it's a big deal if she doesn't think she needs the work group anymore. This is why it can be common for SG leaders to feel hurt when someone stops coming but the member doesn't think it's a big deal to join another group or not prioritize the group.

If however someone is invited well into a SG then that communicates honor to them by stating I think you're important enough for me to ask. It also creates commitment in their hearts for the group as it is now a group that they are clearly a part of. This also helps them prioritize your SG as a result when other opportunities arise in their life. If they are not interested or are somewhat non committal then that at least helps you know where you stand with them and avoids future unmet expectations. While I would be slow to challenge if they don't always express commitment to the group, the conversation does open the door for future conversations about their level of commitment.

6 Components To Inviting Someone Into Your SG Who You Have Fought For

1. Describe Small Group as a place for Kingdom Relationships

   • Example: I'm creating a small group this semester. I"m hoping to get a group of guys/girls together where we can have a lot of fun and have a tight group who can be real and model brotherhood/sisterhood with each other this semester.

2. Describe Small Group as a place for Developing their Personal Relationship with Jesus

   • Pro Tip: Emphasize the weekly meeting here.
     • If they are Christian emphasize challenging and supporting each other in their faith journey.
     • If they are not Christians emphasize the weekly meeting as a place to bring your questions and discuss faith concepts Example: We'll be getting together each week on tuesday nights at my place to discuss how to live out our faith in college and how we can help each other live out our faith well.

3. Describe why your asking them specifically

   • Pro Tip: If they're Christian then emphasize why their faith would be a big deal in the group (a little responsibility vision goes a long way), and if they're not a Christian then emphasize the friendship for why you want them in your small group.

4. Ask them if they would like to be in your small group. Let them respond with a commitment or a reason why they aren't interested.

   • Pro Tip: It's easy to not give them space to respond because we fear rejection. You got to give them the opportunity to commit to the community even if it might mean sometimes them not committing

5. If they say they want to join your small group than affirm why your excited they specifically want to be part of your group

6. If they say they aren't interested than:

   1. If because they are joining someone else's sg or ministry than honor that leadership and tell them your glad they have found a place to walk out their faith
   2. If because your small group rhythm doesn't work with them then push them to a small group leader who has a better rhythm.
   3. If because your small group make up doesn't connect with them (say a graduate in a different season of life than the group for example) then push them to a small group leader who might be able to connect with them and their season of life.
   4. If because they aren't into Jesus then ask if you can still invite them to hang out or to come when the sg is doing fun stuff and then invite but don't pursue much in the future (be careful not to pursue friendship if your faith is totally off limits in the friendship).

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Within two weeks of expressing 3 connections a week. If they are a christian you can and should do it fairly quickly but this does not exclude you from pursuing and inviting them at least 3 times a week.

ROUTINE: Sit down 1on1 with them and invite them into your SG

REWARD: When someone commits to an invitation they are far more likely to be faithful to prioritizing your community than those who are only invited to things on a weekly basis.

WHAT IS FEEDING AND WHY IT MATTERS?

Imparting Kingdom Convictions, and their attributes, so your SG members begin to express the Kingdom in their own life

WHY Do We Feed People?

To make a disciple maker is to empower someone to emulate Jesus in how he imparted the Kingdom of God into the world during His incarnation. From scripture we know that He came to us to make the Father known. Without deliberate impartation to those who we have found and fought for, what is the point? Jesus sought us out in our rebellion and in our deception to draw us back to God. This was not an agenda disconnected from relationship but rather was a truly relational agenda that made all other objectives obsolete in the ambition to draw people into an authentic meaningful connection with their creator that calls us back to the deepest essence of our humanity. In the same way we must impart the convictions and commitments to Christ that encapsulate following Him and is the true north star in everything we do in leading a small group.

WHAT Does “Feeding” People Mean?

FEEDING is to fight for their true self (their kingdom self) by feeding them kingdom convictions and their attributes so they begin to express those same convictions in their own life. We break down our core convictions as KPR. You can find their definitions and their corresponding attributes on the "Core Convictions" page.

Feeding is different from fighting for them because fighting for them is fighting for them to have encounters with KPR through interacting with your friendship, Jesus and/or your community with the goal of them buying into being part of your SG community. Once they are in your small group (the relationships in your life you are taking responsibility for as you pursue Jesus together) the concept of feeding comes into play as you seek to intentionally impart the kingdom through that developing friendship. Said another way we fight for them to experience the Kingdom and we feed them to express the Kingdom.

How Do All 3 Of The Feeding Pages Work Together?

Imagine that you have a student in your life who has committed to being part of your SG. What now? Well there is plenty for you to do to effectively lead and strengthen your small group. For one you should probably start creating some regular time and space with them to impart the Gospel into their life. Maybe it's time to schedule some 1on1's, weekly meetings, and more deliberate invitations into the larger ministry rhythms, etc. That's a good start, but now the question comes up "what exactly are you trying to impart through those times?" Said another way, where do they need to grow in their faith and how can you help? After all we have a big God and there is a lot to focus on. So after prayer and processing with other leaders that you need to focus on them growing in having a daily prayer life. Awesome! But how do you go about helping them grow in prayer during your SG rhythms? How are you going to help them grow a heart for, understanding of and experience with prayer?

You may have caught that there were essentially 3 steps highlighted in the above example once you got someone into your SG. Those are the 3 aspects of Feeding that the rest of this page and the corresponding pages are here to help with. Below is a fuller breakdown of each page.

• FEEDING BEHAVIORS PAGE: The Feeding section of this page is focused on what it takes to lead the small group members you have Found and Fought For. Since you have created a community what now are the aspects of leading them as a small group? This page is a look at SG leader behaviors broken down by expressions of KPR.
• CORE CONVICTIONS PAGE: While you can lead a group who is committed to the community with weekly rhythms they participate in how do you then impart the kingdom into their lives? The core convictions page is the next page linked in these SG leader resources and is a look at what we are seeking to impart into their lives and for them to express.
• CONVICTION CREATION PAGE: The conviction creation page is the third step in the Feeding progression and is a look at principles of how to impart those convictions into the community that you lead. These are not necessarily Kingdom focused convictions themselves, rather they are a compilation of culture creation principles. These principles can be picked from depending on the situation and are contextualized through the conviction attribute a SG leader is trying to impart to their SG members. These principles are also specifically focused on supporting and challenging a small group member in internalizing and expressing whatever conviction attribute is being emphasized. Conviction creation principles are really an extension of Feeding behaviors related to a "Personal Walk With Jesus'', however where the this page is focused on “Where” to impart a personal walk with Jesus, and the “Core Convictions” page is focused on “What” to impart through KPR convictions, the "Conviction Creation" page is focused on "How" to impart those convictions into the lives of your small group members.

This Page Broken Down By KPR

• KINGDOM RELATIONSHIPS: feeding them kingdom relationships means that even though you may have a relationship with a sg member enough for them to "buy in'' to your small group community, they need an ongoing development of that friendship to grow their commitment to the community and strengthen the relational foundation that will impart the Kingdom into their life. Feeding the friendship on this page is a focused look at practical expressions (behaviors) of Kingdom Relationships for a sg leader seeking to maintain and grow the relationships within the sg community.
• PERSONAL WALK WITH JESUS: Step 1 of 3 for imparting a personal relationship with Jesus. These behaviors are rhythms a small group leader creates to have time and space to impart Kingdom Convictions and their attributes. These are rhythms of a SG that are critical to having the ability to impart the Kingdom, though by themselves they do not necessarily do that. A weekly meeting for example does not naturally impart the kingdom though it's a rhythm of a SG community for the purpose of imparting convictions during that time.
• RESPONSIBILITY: Where you have fought for them to experience K & P through our expressing R we now need them to experience R (fight for that experience) as part of your small group if they are ever going to "buy in '' to joining leadership. Generally you are going for Fun & Memorable experiences that are low challenge and high invitation moments. Missions trips or them helping you with semester start ups are examples of this.

WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT WHO WE ARE?

We are a ministry who focus on the purpose of making disciple makers out of CSU students who can transform the university, the market place & the world for the cause of Christ as they learn to let God do through them what He has done in them.

We see a day when every student on campus is relationally connected to someone who is fighting for Christ on the campus. We want a christian in every atheist's life challenging their rebellion from God. We want a christian expressing the love of Christ in every agnostic's world when they go through a crisis. We want a christian relationally tethered to every prodigal calling them back.

HOW DO I KNOW WHO TO FILTER OR FEED?

HAVE CORPORATE RELATIONAL TIME

Learn to find focused time, to do life together and make memory making moments by creating regular relational time

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• John 17: 20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

• Acts 2: 42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

• Study the Exodus account and God’s institution of holidays for remembrance

• Study the context of where Jesus was during Matthew 16:15-20 and how he made the phrase "And the gates of Hades will not overcome it" memorable.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care
• The kingdom of God is established in relationship
• People who love you will eventually love what you love
• Love by nature binds itself
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them

WHY Is Regular Relational Time Important?

I remember a conversation I had with one of my staff the first year we pioneered the Chi Alpha at CSU where my staff member wanted to kick out one of the guys that was part of his small group. The reason was because the guy had absolutely no interest in God, and would often be a distraction to the other guys. This student disengaged when the guys were having a weekly meeting, even sleeping in the corner of the room while the rest talked, and he would shrug off any other attempts to talk about the Lord at other times. I told the staff member to not do anything about this disruptive student. There was something about how he always wanted to be around the guys in the SG that gave me hope. He loved the community even if he didn’t love God yet.

A couple months later this student came back from winter break with a totally different attitude. He was asking real questions about the Lord, even inniating the conversations on a regular basis. It was shortly after the spring semester got underway that he had what he described as an encounter with the Holy Spirit during one of our worship services. Sensing the Lord was pursuing him took his engagement with faith even further. Shortly after that experience he would give his life to the Lord in the living room of one of the guy’s houses while his small group stood around him and prayed with him to receive Jesus as Lord and Savior. When asked what changed over break he said that he went back home and saw his old friends. Seeing how they treated him and each other was such a stark contrast to the guys in this small group that he realized they really were different and he wanted to know why.

We often say in Chi Alpha that the Kingdom of God is established in relationship. Your voice in someone's life is going to largely be proportional to how meaningful your relationship is in their life. If we want to draw people close to Jesus we often need to start by an emphasis in drawing them close to us. It wouldn't be far off to assert that the depth of someone's relationship with Jesus will not likely be deeper than their relationship with you, at least until they are able to Feed themselves, so draw them near as you show them how to draw near to Jesus.

WHAT Is Regular Relational Time?

Regular relational time is creating a rhythm of time spent together. It is time spent with each other on a regular basis that is focused on the relationship you have with them, and the relationship they have with the other members of your small group. Regular relational time is also important for their faith development because it is a way for them to observe your faith as you live out your life in front of them. Regular relational time can be a consistent time you spend together even as what you do may be different such as in weekend hangouts, or it might be a consistent activity even as the time changes such as in doing hobbies together.

Regular relational time includes 3 sub categories of relational time.

• Focused relational time with them
• Doing life together by:
  • Inviting your sg members into your life (including your personal relationship with God)
  • Pursuing your SG members in their lives
  • Having an aspect of life that you do together called 3rd space.
• Memory making moments

Questions You May Have

WHAT IS REGULAR RELATIONAL TIME VS A 1ON1?

A one on one is time you devote to spend together that always includes spiritual formation and normally has their Personal Relationship With God as the main focus of that time. A one on one can be focused on Feeding your friendship as well, especially if their or your schedule is too busy to find Regular relational time otherwise. Doing a one on one while having Regular Relational Time is a helpful way to accomplish both your heart to strengthen the friendship as well as strengthen their friendship with God no matter if you model Regular Relational Time in other contexts as well. For example going to the grocery store together and talking about the Lord as you walk the isles is a great way to live life together while having time to impart Kingdom Convictions into their life.

Jesus didn't necessarily have relational time with the crowds even though he was doing spiritual formation. On the other hand Jesus would regularly have spiritual formation with the disciples through them doing life together. We are striving in sg for you to express Jesus' discipleship method. Going to the grocery store together, fixing their bike with and for them, or inviting them to experience your devo life can be ways to have them do life with you even as you focus on their formation during that time.

If you find that you are doing life together but Jesus is not consistently part of that time or your sg member is needing more focused impartation than what your time can do in Regular Relational Time than schedule a one on one.

DOES REGULAR RELATIONAL TIME HAVE TO BE JUST ME AND THEM?

No this can be time spent with the larger small group community or other members of Chi Alpha for example. However the sg member should feel like you have connected with them personally through that time whatever it is.

DOES JESUS NEED TO COME UP IN RELATIONAL TIME?

No not necessarily but He should regularly come up as a follower of Jesus. Doing life together should include doing faith together and as a result should mean your heart to draw them close to the Lord should also grow. Are they close to you but not drawing closer to the Lord than go there more. Are they drawing close to the Lord but not you than make sure that's the focus even as Jesus is invited into that time.

Jesus needs to be a regular part of your relationship so if you find it difficult to go there in a meaningful way then schedule a one on one in place or as part of your relational time with them. For more details of a one on one see the "Have Personal Impartation (1on1's)" behavior in this section.

Reading & Other Resources

1. Friendship by Hugh Black
2. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
3. The Four Loves by CS Lewis
4. Superbosses: How Exceptional Leaders Master the Flow of Talent by Sydney Finkelstein

  » Memory Making Moments »

What Are Memory Making Moments?

Sometimes a concept is best understood in contrast to something else. Life together is in many ways doing the ordinary aspects of life. You will rarely remember these moments well into the future but they are a critical component in any meaningful relationship. In contrast to doing life together, memory making moments are moment that you will remember and talk about in the future. They are moments that are more novel, often oriented around having fun and will help teather your friendship into the future. These moments are often key to expressing the below behaviors of "Use Future Speech" and "Share Shared Stories" as unlike much of life together, the anticipation or reflection of memory making moments can be powerful tethers.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Memory Making: While memory making moments can be as diverse as your relationships here are a few tried and true suggestions:

  • Camping or backpacking trips in good weather or ski trips in winter
  • XA conferences & retreats
  • XA missions trips
  • Road trips with friends to see friends during breaks
  • Excursions to Denver & maybe see uncle Eddies used Christian book store as part of the time
  • Clay pigeon shooting if you have people who know what they are doing
  • Cliff jumping if you have a safe place to do it

Creating Memory Making Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: During the first month of each semester

ROUTINE: Invite your SG to do some activity that is a memory making moment with the SG

REWARD: Having a small group that prioritizes the small group and loves each other

A Suggestion For Keystone Habits: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

• Memory making moments: Prioritize and recruit your SG for any ministry wide special events including retreats, missions trips, etc. Memory making moments can be more work to do so let us help.

  » Focus On Friendships Who Are Also Fighting »

Your Contacts and committed SG members will learn to express the convictions of the Kingdom only as they see it expressed in your Kingdom relationships.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Ecclesiastes 4: 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

• 2 Samuel 1: I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• You can’t give away what you don’t have
• The kingdom of God is established in relationship
• Model a relaxed love relationship
• Love by nature binds itself

WHY Are The Relationships In Your Cohort Or Broader Ministry Relationships Important?

The longest running study in history is sometimes called the Harvard Men’s Study. Started shortly after WWII, the researchers identified and followed individuals from different demographics for their whole life. The researchers would do regular surveys, record medical conditions, family dynamics, career paths as well as a myriad of other factors with these individuals. The study is largely finished as most of the original participants have now passed away. When asked what have we learned from the research Robert Waldinger, director of the study, said “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health.” According to the research “Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.”

Focusing on those around you who are also fighting is important for a number of reasons. For one, inviting small group members into a peer community teaches them how their peer relationships in your small group should look. If you're modeling love, honor, laughter etc. then they are more likely to act that way towards each other. It is also important because the faith of your peers modeled in front of your small group will have a real impact on your small group members lives. While those reasons are important, they are covered elsewhere (See “INVITE INTO THE LARGER COMMUNITY” and “FEED THROUGH THE LARGER COMMUNITY” in this section for more on those concepts.), and they have an underlying assumption. If the relationships in your life are healthy then inviting small group members into that community is attractive. If your relationship with God is healthy then the faith expressed through your peer relationships will have a real impact in the lives of your small group members. All of that works from the assumption that you are feeding the friendships in your life, and that those friendships are feeding your relationship with God.

C.S. Lewis famously states in his book “The four loves” when talking about friendship that “The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question "Do you see the same truth?" would be "I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend," no Friendship can arise - though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers.”

To take C.S. Lewis’ thought a step further, the depth of your friendship will be dependent on how profound the thing is that binds the two of you together. Soldiers often experience a profound relationship in the fox hole as their lives are put in each other's hands, but that relationship may not always extend past war time if they no longer have anything besides survival to hold them together. If God is truly the architect of relationship, and is the author of life’s meaning then relationships that find pursuing Him as its core purpose have the potential to be the most profound and long lasting type of relationships in life. Kingdom based relationships that are leaning on each other as you together fight for His Kingdom in this world can be a proud catalyst to creating that kind of meaningful Christ centered relationship in your own life. If we are going to have the impact in our small group that we have fought for up till this point, not to mention loving our experience in leading others in their faith journey, then we need to remember to not neglect feeding the friendships next to us.

WHO Do We Mean By "Friendships Who Are Fighting Alongside You"?

Friendships who are Fighting alongside you are peers who you model the attributes of Kingdom Relationships with & who are Fighting For the campus alongside of you. This can also mean your leaders within the ministry who you have a direct relationship with.

Questions You May Have

How do I balance Kingdom Relationships with my friends with the relationships in my SG?

This is a great question that doesn't have a one size fits all approach. One way of thinking about this is that you need time with your peers, your leaders and you need time with your SG people but you don't always need time with someone separate from the others. What we mean is that you need time with your SG member and with other SG leaders but where availability is limited focus on doing as much together as you can.

We can take a cue from parents who have to learn the tension between prioritizing each other and their children. Generally parents come to accept that for seasons of a child's development they need to take priority in their time, but many would argue that the parents still need to prioritize their relationship over the children even as their time for that relationship is shortened. Namely they need to make their time count with each other and whenever possible prioritize each other even with the children there.

Applying that principle into this question may look like a small group leader who spends more time with their SG members but who focuses on their peer relationships whenever they are together even if their SG members are around unless their SG member is in immediate need of attention. Inviting SG members into that peer relationship and letting them observe your Kingdom Relationships are key ways they will learn to model that in your small group.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. Remember to be for your leader what you want your SG to be for you. Pursue up to your leaders as well as down to your SG. As your SG members see your relationship with your leader they will learn to emulate that relationship with you.
2. Focus on relationships in your cohort during weekend hangouts
3. Reflect on the other behaviors of "Feeding Kingdom Relationships'' in this section. Do you model these with each other?
4. Reflect on the attributes of "Kingdom Relationships" on the KPR page. Are these present in your cohort?
5. Invite sg members regularly into your Kingdom Relationships and don't neglect the peer friendship because of your sg member being present

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Each weekend hangout

ROUTINE focus on expressing brotherhood/sisterhood with your cohort members over even your SG members but in front of your SG when possible

REWARD: SG members who express Kingdom Convictions with their SG peers

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Honor one member of your cohort whenever your cohort is together

1. Friendship by Hugh Black
2. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
3. UVA XA Small Group Meeting Lessons on Community
4. The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
5. Liz Mineo, Harvard Staff Writer April 11, 2017
6. The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis
7. Known by Dick Foth

EXPRESSING

  » Express Belonging & Affection »

Do you express affection for and belonging to your SG relationships whenever you are together?

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Philippians 1:8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

• Study Pauls other personal words to the churches

Maxims and Quotes Related To This Behavior

• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• Model a relaxed love relationship
• Love by nature binds itself
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHAT Is The Difference Between Belonging & Affection And Why Are Both Needed In Feeding Friendships?

I remember joining Chi Alpha my Jr year. I was a transfer student and didn't know many people at the university. I found the Chi Alpha group online and saw that they had a large group service the first Thursday of the semester. I remember going and thinking that I wanted to be part of the group but not knowing how to connect with them. After the service ended I walked around the room twice and while people seemed friendly I didn’t have any meaningful conversations. I almost left to check out another campus ministry's large group service that was happening after the Chi Alpha’s one ended but decided I’d walk around the room one more time. It was then that I met Dane. Dane started talking with me and came across really interested in me. He then started introducing me to other people and they would begin to communicate how they were glad I was there. Maybe most importantly Dane told me I should come with a group of them who were going to dinner where we then made plans to hang out that weekend. In the days and weeks to come the group continued to ask me my story, share excitement when I showed up to something and included me when making plans. It was through these interactions that I began to become more and more a core part of the group.

As important as these concepts are early on while fighting for someone, they continue to be critical as we walk with them in life and faith. While oftentimes belonging and affection are expressed synonymously, and so have been put together in our behaviors here, it is helpful to delineate them for the sake of making sure they are both present. Essentially belonging cues are things you do to express that they are accepted in your relationship or group. While you might feel like they have a place in your group, do they feel that are they valued by you when you are together? That is where affection expressed is important. Are they part of the group and are you grateful that they are? If so, then belonging cues and affection expressed is letting them know that.

For a fuller breakdown of Belonging Cues see "COMMUNICATE BELONGING BEFORE THEY BELONG" in the Fight For section of this page.
For simplicity the below resources are focused on AFFECTION EXPRESSED ↓

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Is your language full of affirmation and interest in them?
• Do you remember what they are doing/going through and ask about it at later dates?
• Does your schedule say they are not a priority or do they trump other concerns?
• Do you ask them details about their story and share interest in it?

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Whenever you are with a sg guy/girl

ROUTINE: Look for ways to express affection to each member in the group

REWARD: having SG members who give you a greater voice in their life and who see you as more than a leader of a meeting

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Express excitement to see them when they/you first arrive to something?

Reading & Other Resources

• Friendship by Hugh Black
• Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• Known by Dick Foth

  » Linger In Your SG Relationships »

Learn to honor the friendship by not leaving it until absolutely needed

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Luke 10: 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• Model a relaxed love relationship
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHAT Is Lingering And WHY Is It Important?

Lingering is anytime the moment would allow you to leave but you choose not to. Lingering is important because it communicates value to who you're with as you are choosing to be with them instead of leaving after the obligation of the moment is over. Many of the most meaningful moments and conversations in a relationship happen after the structured gathering is over. A SG leader wants to regularly linger with their people whenever possible to deepen the sense of life togetherness and relaxed love relationship within that relationship.

While lingering is an ongoing behavior for a sg leader and so in the feeding section, it can also be a great behavior to express during the Fighting For people phase

Lingering can also relate to having a personal walk with Jesus or growing commitment to the community. For example encouraging your small group to linger in a response time or after an event instead of running out the door for something else communicates the value of those people and moments.

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Whenever you are with your SG members in person, always be the last to leave and never tell them you have to go unless absolutely necessary.

  » Share Shared Stories »

TELL STORIES YOU HAVE SHARED TOGETHER TO EACH OTHER IN YOUR SG RELATIONSHIPS

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Matthew 16:8 Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? 9Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? 10Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?
• Luke 22:19 And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother “I have no need of you.”
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHY Are Shared Stories Shared Important To Feeding The Friendship?

When we pioneered the XA at CSU we had 10 of us on the team. What was strange about our pioneering effort was that we were all friends with shared history before we decided to pioneer CSU together. All of us were either students or had been on staff with the Chi Alpha at Sam Houston State University. Not only that but many of the guys had been friends for a long time before they moved to Colorado. Two of them had known each other from childhood, and four of them had been in a band together for years.

When we moved up to Fort Collins to pioneer the XA at CSU I noticed how much time our team spent telling stories that they had shared. They would often spend time telling stories from the past with each other even when the students in our ministry were hanging out with them. Far from alienating the students from the teammates, because they weren’t part of that shared history, it helped our students feel like they wanted to be a part of this community with such deep relationships. It also helped my staff stay relationally tethered to each other while they were learning to fight for new relationships, and wrestling with the tensions that periodically arose in building a new ministry.

Shared stories are powerful when they are retold as they communicate a sense of belonging and affection for that shared history that tethers your future through remembering the tethered past. It also often includes a sense of love through laughter that is healthy in a friendship. It has been noted in research about what creates strong cultures that a common attribute about them is the way they tend to tell their stories to themselves. This has a way of forging a future together by reminding us of our shared past as well as articulating the values of the culture we are a part of through what those stories articulate about the cultures values. A missions trip can be an easy example of a memory that can be retold to those who were on the trip together and as a result reminds us of our belonging to each others stories as well as our belief in reaching the lost

WHAT Is Sharing Shared Stories?

Sharing shared stories is simply telling stories to each other that you were both a part of

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

At every weekly SG meeting tell a shared story with someone in the group and let others hear.

Reading & Other Resources

• The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups

  » Use Future Speech »

Talk about your future & future plans with them in the picture

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Matthew 28:20b And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
• John 14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
• Study Revelations

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother “I have no need of you.”
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHY Is Future Speech Important To Feeding The Friendship?

Future speech is powerful because it tells the relationship that you see a future together. In a world where relationships are as solid as tomorrow's whims, and campus life is constantly interrupting rhythms of relationship with school breaks, future speech tells a sg member that they can invest into the relationship and/or the community because you see them having a future there. Creating a sense of "safety" in the friendship is key for people to commit to the relationship, and in a world where commitment is tough to come by this is a critical concept.

WHAT Is Future Speech?

• Future speech is anytime you talk about the future with you seeing them in it. It could include making plans with them to hang out during a break, talk about some future event as if they will be there (think won't it be cool when we get to do men's advance all together next spring) or maybe hopeful language like saying how much you would love to have them on leadership with you.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. When you are coming up on a semester break talk about the next semester with imagery of you being together
2. For people you want to ask into LTC, start sharing hopeful imagery about them being on leadership. Example could be "I'll see you as soon as you get back from winter break. I'll have some outreach stuff leadership will be doing that first week of school and it would be fun to have you help me. I can't wait for you to be on leadership with me."

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: When you start thinking about finals coming up

ROUTINE: Start using future language about the break and following semester

REWARD: SG members who become more committed to your friendship and community with time

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Plan one SG get together during any school break and talk about it well in advance

HAVE CORPORATE IMPARTATION

  » Have A Weekly Meeting, & Not A Boring One! »

Have time and space on a weekly basis where you get your SG together for intentional Kingdom Convictions impartation.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Principle in Scripture of Sabbath and going to Temple
• Acts 2: 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts
• Matthew 16: 13-20 and the memorable way Jesus did a "small group" meeting. For a breakdown of this passage Click Here

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Small group has a weekly meeting, it isn’t a weekly meeting
• Love through laughter plow hard hearts

WHY Does SG Need To Have A Weekly Meeting?

While the idea of a weekly meeting is essentially synonymous with the small group concept for many church communities, we sometimes find our leaders pushing the pendulum in the opposite extreme. At times when a small group leader creates a community around their life, and finds that they are doing a good job doing impartation during the other relational times they have with that small group group, that they don't prioritize developing a weekly meeting. While small group should not be defined in a way that eliminates the need for Christ centered relationships in its ethos, which is why we don't define it as a weekly meeting, we shouldn't think that we can do a good job creating a Christ centered community ongoing without creating rhythms of impartation for that community.

One big challenge in creating a small group without a weekly meeting is in creating a sense of reliance and dependence on each other for their faith journey. A small group as we define it is "A community around your life who you are taking responsibility for as they learn to lean on each other in the pursuit of Jesus". Without that intentional time to discuss their faith together they will likely not learn to lean on each other in their faith. Also without the habit of when and where your group meets each week you will likely find the connection that your small group members have with each other fluctuates through the semester as their schedules fill up with other more structured things.

I have often found the hardest part of ministering to people in my small group early on is having meaningful impartation. If someone in my small group isn't a follower of Christ then finding ways to bring Him up in their life can be challenging, or if they are a follower then finding a way to share what you think they need to hear in the midst of developing the friendship can feel awkward at first. While all of the above is important to do outside of the formal meeting, another reason you need the meeting is that the weekly meeting gives you a space on a regular basis to go deeper in pushing them to Christ and can often be a launching pad into more nuanced conversations later when you are together one on one. For the non believer it often gives you something to work from as you ask them more in depth questions of their thoughts and concerns from what was discussed at the meeting. For the christian you are able to give challenges in a more corporate way before the friendship allows you to do so more directly and it helps them learn to lean not just on you but each other for their faith journey. When someone comes to a small group's weekly meeting you can be direct because they know that they are walking into a time for discussing the Lord, and having that time each week helps you to be able to go there more naturally when you are with your small group throughout the week.

HOW To Lead A Weekly Meeting: Below is an overview of the main components to a meeting. For a more in depth look at these components review the other Feeding behaviors on this page, as well as the Kingdom Convictions & Culture Creation Pages.

• WHEN TO DO YOUR WEEKLY MEETING

  • Do it when your core guys/girls are going to regularly be free for it. Don’t do a time that is tough for the majority for the sake of accommodating a fringe guy/girl (it often reduces your core who come and the fringe guy/girl may not work out)
• WHERE TO DO YOUR WEEKLY MEETING
  • Schedule a place that works best for creating the environment you're trying to foster. Broadly where would you small group meeting be convenient, consistent, and comfortable? For a fuller breakdown of this concept see the Conviction Creation Page principle "The Convictions Your Environment Communicates".
    • Convenient: Do a dorm room, a dorm kitchen, someone's house that is close etc.
    • Consistent: You may do outings or other things that mean you're not always at the same place but you should have a place consistent for people to gather and go from or just gather for.
    • Comfortable: You want to foster things like vulnerability and relaxed love relationships. Be careful to not do your meeting where it's going to be tough to foster those things
• WHAT TO INCLUDE DO DURING YOUR MEETING
  • How to start and end your time: Emphasize love through laughter & a relaxed love relationship before and after the content. (Before gets them excited to come right before the meeting and after helps them create the habit of committing to the gathering even if they don’t want Jesus yet.
    • Before Pro Tips: Don’t do anything that gives off the vibe of being too sterril (get to know you games can be ok but be careful)
      • Make dinner for them or grill with them
      • Just hang in your living room if they have enough chemistry for that
      • Be doing something when they show up and let them hang with you while you do it (working on your bike, messing with sound equipment, cooking etc)
    • After Pro Tips: Communicate high invitation but low expectation. Do something that they don’t have to commit to but they should want to. If you expect their night to be yours then you’ll get those who can and want to give that much time before the night starts.
      • Watch a movie
      • Make a roach, grouch, scouch, etc.
      • Play games
      • Continue what you were doing before the content
      • Find what they like to do for fun and do it. Spikeball, campus golf, etc
      • Go out to oldtown with another small group (it could even be a small group of the opposite sex!)
  • Content For Your Meeting: Below are a few broad concepts to keep in mind. For a fuller breakdown review attributes of Kingdom Convictions and Conviction Creation principles to review other concepts related to what to discuss and how to discuss it.
    • Guide the discussion through questions (See the Conviction Creation principle "The coaching & active listening we express")
    • Connect your message through making a memory. See “COMMUNICATING CONVICTIONS MEMORABLY” in the conviction creation page & "creative SG/1-on-1 meeting ideas" under each attribute in the Core Convictions page for more details here but here are some ideas to get you thinking:
      • Go to the graveyard and talking about dying so you might live
      • Go up to horsetooth and talk about intercessory prayer as you look over the city
      • Throw them in a dumpster and talk about the stench of sin
      • Be creative!
    • 3 phases of imparting content
      • Belief: Share about a concept/principle from scripture.
        • Work from our core convictions and their attributes
        • Work from what we are teaching at Outpost and summarize or reframe for your group
        • Use the maxims related to a topic found in the core convictions page resources
        • Ask them to talk about their thoughts on that biblical perspective. Expound if they are onboard or healthy debate if they are not.
        • Let counter opinions share and foster safety for dissension
        • At the end make sure to summarize the biblical perspective … especially if counter opinions have reigned.
      • Behavior: Discuss how you can live this out as a college student
        • What are the obstacles to this principle
        • What does this principle look like expressed in your experience
        • What have been challenges in your life without it?
        • What would your life look like/be different if you really lived out this principle?
      • Brotherhood: Ask how can we do this together and serve each other
        • Minister in the moment
        • Confess to one another
        • Pray for each other
        • Make a plan (this may feel like you're trying to get them to do with each other what you're trying to do with them as the leader. That's good. Bonding them in brotherhood is to bond them spiritually.
          • Let's get together monday mornings to start our week in prayer
          • Call me if you're tempted to watch porn, etc.

• Click Here For A Weekly Meeting outline in Word form

Questions You May Have:

WHEN SHOULD I START DOING A WEEKLY MEETING?

Their is a tension here between starting soon and starting healthy. The longer you wait into the semester the more difficult it becomes to include that rhythm into a students life after habits have been established. On the flip side if you start having a weekly meeting because you have 3 but only 1 or 2 can make it that night it might communicate the wrong message about being a place to find brotherhood/sisterhood.

Generally we would recommend starting after 2 weeks of classes and if you have 4 or more who are committed than do it on your own.

WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE TO HAVE A HEALTHY SIZED SG?

If you have fewer than four committed members then plan to do a meeting for the first week or two with other members of your cohort who might be in similar situations. In these cases it can be helpful to vision cast the cohort community before that meeting and then tell them that you are doing your weekly meeting for the first couple of weeks with those other cohorts SG's so they can get to know each other. After all, between weekend hangouts and other things your cohort does together your SG members will be getting to know each other and having them observe your peer Kingdom Relationships is a key part of your discipleship strategy. This will also give your SG members a larger look at the community they can do life with and if you still need to Co-Build with one of your cohorts SG's after those next two weeks it is a natural progression to continue doing so.

See the above behavior "When helpful co-build, but don't co-lead"

WHERE DO I START WITH KINGDOM CONVICTIONS?

See "Principles For Where To Focus In KPR" at the top of the "Core Convictions" page for a fuller look at how to access where to focus but an easy place to start is by thinking through what time of the semester it is.

KPR is our 3 core convictions and their normal progression through a semester. We typically start with Kingdom Relationships that lead to growing our Personal Relationship With Jesus together that leads to the maturity to take on Responsibility in His Kingdom. This can be a good way to think through your personal discipleship in a person's life and in the weekly meeting when helpful.

• SG leaders often find it helpful to vision cast SG community and teach on attributes of Kingdom Relationships early on in the semester. Make sure the Gospel is still presented with Jesus being what Kingdom Relationships are about but still the focus on attributes of "K" can help lay the foundation for your community.
• Emphasizing A Personal Relationship With Jesus and its corresponding attributes comes next and fills the majority of your impartation. Think about taking the "Personal Relationship With Jesus" survey to assess what attributes to prioritize here.
• Lastly comes Responsibility as some of your SG members are ready to be challenged here and the ministry begins to emphasize things like signing up for missions and LTC.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

Cue: By the third week of the semester

ROUTINE: start doing, and have a consistent, weekly SG meeting

REWARD: Small group members who make that time a habit of their lives

  » When Helpful Co-Build, But Dont Co-Lead »

If you don't have critical mass in your developing SG than create a SG community with another leader but keep responsibility over those you bring into the group.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

I Corinthians 3: 3 You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4 For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings? 5 What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called
• Responsibility is miracle grow for your faith
• The kingdom of God is established in relationship

WHY Emphasize Co-Building Instead Of Co-Leading?

There is a tension between what is best for creating responsibility in the small group leaders life and the experience of community in the sg members life. Co-Leading waters down personal responsibility to fight for your student as you can always say the other leader is covering them instead of sacrificing for them yourself. On the other side is the need of the student to experience a community of belief if they will be impacted for Christ and His Kingdom, as well as feel like this is a community where they can find friends.

A few years after pioneering the Chi Alpha ministry at CSU we sensed the Lord telling our ministry to pioneer a Chi Alpha in Russia. Lindsey and I took a small team with us from CSU and we pioneered the ministry for a year before handing it off to staff who would take it long term.

When we first started building small groups I asked the staff if they wanted to lead our small groups with two leaders or one leader per small group. They unanimously said they thought we should each build our own small groups because that was what they knew, but a few weeks later they came back to me saying that they had changed their minds. In a world where we would almost never meet a christian on the campus we needed to model Kingdom Relationships, and a community of belief at our small group gatherings. While we would each have our own students that we would find, fight for and feed interpersonally, we would do our small group gatherings together with our guys or girls in order to model the Kingdom of God before them. The Russians loved the personal pursuit and attention we gave to them and would even introduce themselves as “Nate’s Dema” or “Brent’s Dema” for example. We modeled our conviction to each find, fight for and feed people, but gave the Russian students in our small groups a healthier community to be a part of.

WHAT Is Co-Building Vs Co-Leading?

Co-Leading is when multiple people have shared responsibility over discipleship of the same person. Co-Building is using another leader's small group community to create a healthier community identity by doing the rhythms of small groups together. Co-Building is when multiple disciplers each have their own students that they have Found, Fought For and Feed 1-on-1 but who merge their community times together to create a healthier community identity.

WHEN To Emphasize Co-Building: While every situation may have nuance to it, here are the basic ideas of what to do depending on the number of people committed to your SG.

• If a small group leader has 1 or none then keep finding and fighting for people. If they have 1 after the first couple of weeks of a semester it can be good to join an established small group for a season but more as a leader in their small group than as a co laborer in their small group community.
• If a small group leader has 2 or 3 people bought into small group after the first two weeks of a semester it may be helpful to co-build with another leader in a similar situation.
• If a small group leader has very few believers it can be helpful to co-lead for the sake of emphasizing a community of belief no matter their total number of small group members.
• If a small group leader has 4 or more just solo lead. You can do it!

  » Feed Through The Larger Community »

Do you bring your small group members into your cohort relationships, or corporate ministry rhythms like OP live, retreats, dig in's and weekend hangouts?

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Acts 2: 42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Maxims and Quotes Related To This Behavior

• The kingdom of God is established in relationship
• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother “I have no need of you.”
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• Emulate before you innovate
• Love & laughter plow hard hearts
• Rules without relationship lead to rebellion
• 4 C's
  • Common understanding
  • Common cause
  • Constant forgiveness
  • Common unselfishness

Sometimes small group leaders feel like the larger ministry community is not that important as long as individuals are bought into the small group community. However it has been regularly shown that if you create a community without your SG members experiencing the kingdom relationships you have in your life it is more difficult to create buy-in, convictions or a tightly knit community within your own SG. When your SG members are invited to experience the convictions of your friendships that are expressed in front of them than they are more likely to express those same convictions as a template of how to operate in your own small group

An example case was a XA director who, after pioneering by themselves, said years later that they never got their own ministry to emulate convictions like honor in the way he was wanting because it was never expressed in front of them. While the director would model this attribute of real relationships it was not a model the community could emulate as it was something he expressed but never expressed as a community in front of the new students.

A parallel to this principle is the importance of parents having a healthy relationship with each other in front of their children. It is often suggested by parents and by those pulling out the ramifications of modern research on parenting that the relationship the parents have with each other is critical, and may even be more critical than the relationship the parents express to the children. This is seen especially after those children then get married themselves and begin to express a spousal relationship. It is common for the strengths or challenges the children eventually have in their own marriages to be tracked to the parents' relationship with each other rather than to the parents' relationship to their children. If we want our small groups to emulate attributes of Kingdom Relationships we need to model Kingdom Relationships that they can practice in your small group community as you "parent" them along the way.

The larger community also has power to create convictions by proclamation and creating decision moments. While small group leaders are encouraged to do both of these things in their discipleship, there is power of permission giving when you are responding in a space where other peers are also responding to the Lord. There is a healthy peer pressure and vision to change in the ways you are already longing to when you are known and your faith journey is visible to a larger community than your tight knit small group can create. While this is clearly in partnership with the small group leader who is pivotal to creating the desire for a deeper walk with Jesus in a small group member, and who will walk out discipleship with them after the corporate gathering, there is power in the direct and definitive way that the kingdom of God is proclaimed in those spaces.

For a fuller explanation see THE THINGS WE MAKE VISIBLE on the Conviction Creation page.

Pro Tips & Next Steps To Get Them To Buy Into The Larger Community

1. Bring them early & make the larger community a normal aspect of your SG rhythm
2. Bring them or they won't come
3. Introduce them to lots of people while there
4. Make sure they are never the "odd person out" for more than 30 seconds or they will be looking for the door
5. Love and laughter after an event, if not intuitively part of the event, will help them come back next time. This is especially true early on until their enjoyment of seeing friends in the larger community is enough of a draw by itself
6. Process any Jesus encounters (power, truth & love) they had in the community with them 1 on 1 later

Creating Habits In Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Each Sunday leadership gathering think through a plan for the week

ROUTINE: Invite SG members to major ministry happenings and make plans to bring them

REWARD: SG members who are more deeply growing in their personal relationship with Jesus

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Ask if they are coming to the next ministry activity everytime you hang out with a SG member one on one or in regular relational time.

Reading & Other Resources

• The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
• No Silver Bullets: Five Small Shifts That Will Transform Your Ministry

  » Feed Them Your Thought Life & Ask About Theirs »

HAVE PERSONAL RELATIONAL TIME

Learn to find focused time, to do life together and make memory making moments by creating regular relational time

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• John 17: 20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

• Acts 2: 42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

• Study the Exodus account and God’s institution of holidays for remembrance

• Study the context of where Jesus was during Matthew 16:15-20 and how he made the phrase "And the gates of Hades will not overcome it" memorable.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care
• The kingdom of God is established in relationship
• People who love you will eventually love what you love
• Love by nature binds itself
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them

WHY Is Regular Relational Time Important?

I remember a conversation I had with one of my staff the first year we pioneered the Chi Alpha at CSU where my staff member wanted to kick out one of the guys that was part of his small group. The reason was because the guy had absolutely no interest in God, and would often be a distraction to the other guys. This student disengaged when the guys were having a weekly meeting, even sleeping in the corner of the room while the rest talked, and he would shrug off any other attempts to talk about the Lord at other times. I told the staff member to not do anything about this disruptive student. There was something about how he always wanted to be around the guys in the SG that gave me hope. He loved the community even if he didn’t love God yet.

A couple months later this student came back from winter break with a totally different attitude. He was asking real questions about the Lord, even inniating the conversations on a regular basis. It was shortly after the spring semester got underway that he had what he described as an encounter with the Holy Spirit during one of our worship services. Sensing the Lord was pursuing him took his engagement with faith even further. Shortly after that experience he would give his life to the Lord in the living room of one of the guy’s houses while his small group stood around him and prayed with him to receive Jesus as Lord and Savior. When asked what changed over break he said that he went back home and saw his old friends. Seeing how they treated him and each other was such a stark contrast to the guys in this small group that he realized they really were different and he wanted to know why.

We often say in Chi Alpha that the Kingdom of God is established in relationship. Your voice in someone's life is going to largely be proportional to how meaningful your relationship is in their life. If we want to draw people close to Jesus we often need to start by an emphasis in drawing them close to us. It wouldn't be far off to assert that the depth of someone's relationship with Jesus will not likely be deeper than their relationship with you, at least until they are able to Feed themselves, so draw them near as you show them how to draw near to Jesus.

WHAT Is Regular Relational Time?

Regular relational time is creating a rhythm of time spent together. It is time spent with each other on a regular basis that is focused on the relationship you have with them, and the relationship they have with the other members of your small group. Regular relational time is also important for their faith development because it is a way for them to observe your faith as you live out your life in front of them. Regular relational time can be a consistent time you spend together even as what you do may be different such as in weekend hangouts, or it might be a consistent activity even as the time changes such as in doing hobbies together.

Regular relational time includes 3 sub categories of relational time.

• Focused relational time with them
• Doing life together by:
  • Inviting your sg members into your life (including your personal relationship with God)
  • Pursuing your SG members in their lives
  • Having an aspect of life that you do together called 3rd space.
• Memory making moments

Questions You May Have

WHAT IS REGULAR RELATIONAL TIME VS A 1ON1?

A one on one is time you devote to spend together that always includes spiritual formation and normally has their Personal Relationship With God as the main focus of that time. A one on one can be focused on Feeding your friendship as well, especially if their or your schedule is too busy to find Regular relational time otherwise. Doing a one on one while having Regular Relational Time is a helpful way to accomplish both your heart to strengthen the friendship as well as strengthen their friendship with God no matter if you model Regular Relational Time in other contexts as well. For example going to the grocery store together and talking about the Lord as you walk the isles is a great way to live life together while having time to impart Kingdom Convictions into their life.

Jesus didn't necessarily have relational time with the crowds even though he was doing spiritual formation. On the other hand Jesus would regularly have spiritual formation with the disciples through them doing life together. We are striving in sg for you to express Jesus' discipleship method. Going to the grocery store together, fixing their bike with and for them, or inviting them to experience your devo life can be ways to have them do life with you even as you focus on their formation during that time.

If you find that you are doing life together but Jesus is not consistently part of that time or your sg member is needing more focused impartation than what your time can do in Regular Relational Time than schedule a one on one.

DOES REGULAR RELATIONAL TIME HAVE TO BE JUST ME AND THEM?

No this can be time spent with the larger small group community or other members of Chi Alpha for example. However the sg member should feel like you have connected with them personally through that time whatever it is.

DOES JESUS NEED TO COME UP IN RELATIONAL TIME?

No not necessarily but He should regularly come up as a follower of Jesus. Doing life together should include doing faith together and as a result should mean your heart to draw them close to the Lord should also grow. Are they close to you but not drawing closer to the Lord than go there more. Are they drawing close to the Lord but not you than make sure that's the focus even as Jesus is invited into that time.

Jesus needs to be a regular part of your relationship so if you find it difficult to go there in a meaningful way then schedule a one on one in place or as part of your relational time with them. For more details of a one on one see the "Have Personal Impartation (1on1's)" behavior in this section.

Reading & Other Resources

1. [Friendship by Hugh Black][2]
2. [Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer][3]
3. The Four Loves by CS Lewis
4. Superbosses: How Exceptional Leaders Master the Flow of Talent by Sydney Finkelstein

  » Focused Relational Time »

What Is Focused Relational Time?

Just as the term suggests, focused relational time is time that is focused on the other person primarily. This is the equivalent of your devo time with the Lord or a date night with a significant other. Focused relational time is taking time to focus on the other person and your relationship with them. It is different from doing life together because where life together is about merging your lives in some way, focused relational time is about getting out of your worlds to focus on the other person. This might be grabbing lunch with them, going to do something neither of you typically do, having them come over to just talk, etc. Focused relational time is fairly synonymous with creating 3rd space, which is the idea of creating space or time that is not your world or their world but is neutral.

Common focused relational time includes things like:

• Going out to lunch
• Grabbing Coffee
• Taking a walk around campus or a park
• Coming over to your place to just chat

What is common in focused relational time is that the context is less important and less the focus of your time than is the other person and connecting through conversation.

WHEN Should You Emphasize This Behavior?

Focused relational time can be very valuable to a friendship, especially early on as you Fight For them or when doing life together becomes hard to sync. That said, focused relational time does not always need to be scheduled or fought for if memory making moments and expressions of life together are sufficient in Feeding the friendship.

Creating Focused Relational Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Whenever you have a week where you haven't seen a contact your Fighting For, or a SG member your Feeding

ROUTINE: Invite them to lunch

REWARD: Seeing relationships on the fringe of your group continue to grow in friendship with you

A Suggestion For Keystone Habits: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

• Focused Relational Time: Make a plan with one SG member at every weekly meeting.

  » Doing Life Together »

What Is Doing Life Together?

Doing life together is when you have a rhythm of experiencing an aspect of each other's life (Dinner with our family every Tuesday night), or a regular time where they experience different aspects of your life (come over Friday nights and do whatever we're doing). Life together can also be when you engage their life in the same way, or where you create something that isn't your or their life but becomes an expression of your shared lives (You both take up rafting to do together as a hobby in your life). Life in this context is seen as anything outside of structured small group or ministry wide events. One thing to keep in mind is if doing life together becomes focused on only one aspect of your lives that is done together (such as doing homework each saturday together) then look for opportunities for them to experience other aspects of your life on occasion as well.

IS LIFE TOGETHER ALWAYS RELATIONAL TIME?

Because regular relational time is about Feeding the friendship, many of the rhythms of life, even when done together, may not count as relational time. If you have class together that might be an expression of life together but it's not necessarily relational time. However if you invite them to do homework with you every sunday afternoon and model a relaxed love relationship during that time it becomes doing life together by emphasizing the relationship even as you're focused on something else.

DOES DOING LIFE TOGETHER MEAN DOING ALL OF LIFE TOGETHER?

Obviously you can not do all of life all the time with members of your SG but SG leaders can often struggle knowing how to assess how much of your life they should be trying to do together. Below are good questions to ask yourself to access if you are prioritizing the relationship enough for this season.

• Do they have other relationships they are doing life with currently that are more meaningful to them than yours or your small groups?
• Would they say they are doing life with you if asked?
• Do they experience and/or have access to all aspects of your life periodically?
  • Do you eat together?
  • Do you play together?
  • Do they observe the other relationships in your life?

CAN YOU DO TOO MUCH OF LIFE TOGETHER WITH SOMEONE IN YOUR SG?

The other side of the above question comes up when some SG leaders do a great job having regular relational time with a few but are in fear of becoming a Holy Huddle or neglecting the potential of leaving the 99 to reach the one who has not been Found yet. Below are good questions to ask yourself to assess if you are disproportionately prioritizing the relationships in your SG over those on the outside. These questions assume we are talking within the capacity you have for relationships and SG specifically.

• Are their people in your SG who would benefit from doing Finding as part of your relational time?
• Is there a way to bring your SG community to people you are Fighting For?
• Is there a way for your SG community to get together if you weren't there?
• Would your SG community express attributes of Kingdom Relationships without you there right now?
• Would your SG members still say they are doing life with you if you spent more time Finding and Fighting For others instead of Feeding your friendship as much?
• Is your SG still going to be the most meaningful relationships in your SG members lives if you're not with them right now?

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Life Together:
  1. Regularly ask when you see them what they are up to and either ask if you can join what they are doing or invite them to do something you're up to. For example if they say they are doing homework later ask if you can join them at the library to do homework or offer to have them over for dinner before they go to the library.
  2. If you get someone in your small group to do something with you then invite someone else to join. It's always easier to invite someone else into a group and it creates stronger ties with your SG members.
  3. Invite your SG member to do something with you again while you're together. For example if you invite them to rock climb over the weekend then ask if they want to go with you again next weekend. Remember your goal is to create a habit of relational time together. Trying to create a rhythm of the same shared time or space each week is a great way to begin creating the habit of life together.

Creating Life Together Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Whenever you see SG members at a ministry event like OP live

ROUTINE: Plan or confirm time to hangout together that is something you have done before

REWARD: Developing habits of relational time or space

A Suggestion For Keystone Habits: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

• Life together: Make a plan to do something whenever you see a SG member in person who you don't have a habit of regular relational time with. See Pro Tips above.

EXPRESSING

  » Express Belonging & Affection »

Do you express affection for and belonging to your SG relationships whenever you are together?

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Philippians 1:8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

• Study Pauls other personal words to the churches

Maxims and Quotes Related To This Behavior

• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• Model a relaxed love relationship
• Love by nature binds itself
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHAT Is The Difference Between Belonging & Affection And Why Are Both Needed In Feeding Friendships?

I remember joining Chi Alpha my Jr year. I was a transfer student and didn't know many people at the university. I found the Chi Alpha group online and saw that they had a large group service the first Thursday of the semester. I remember going and thinking that I wanted to be part of the group but not knowing how to connect with them. After the service ended I walked around the room twice and while people seemed friendly I didn’t have any meaningful conversations. I almost left to check out another campus ministry's large group service that was happening after the Chi Alpha’s one ended but decided I’d walk around the room one more time. It was then that I met Dane. Dane started talking with me and came across really interested in me. He then started introducing me to other people and they would begin to communicate how they were glad I was there. Maybe most importantly Dane told me I should come with a group of them who were going to dinner where we then made plans to hang out that weekend. In the days and weeks to come the group continued to ask me my story, share excitement when I showed up to something and included me when making plans. It was through these interactions that I began to become more and more a core part of the group.

As important as these concepts are early on while fighting for someone, they continue to be critical as we walk with them in life and faith. While oftentimes belonging and affection are expressed synonymously, and so have been put together in our behaviors here, it is helpful to delineate them for the sake of making sure they are both present. Essentially belonging cues are things you do to express that they are accepted in your relationship or group. While you might feel like they have a place in your group, do they feel that are they valued by you when you are together? That is where affection expressed is important. Are they part of the group and are you grateful that they are? If so, then belonging cues and affection expressed is letting them know that.

For a fuller breakdown of Belonging Cues see "COMMUNICATE BELONGING BEFORE THEY BELONG" in the Fight For section of this page.
For simplicity the below resources are focused on AFFECTION EXPRESSED ↓

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Is your language full of affirmation and interest in them?
• Do you remember what they are doing/going through and ask about it at later dates?
• Does your schedule say they are not a priority or do they trump other concerns?
• Do you ask them details about their story and share interest in it?

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Whenever you are with a sg guy/girl

ROUTINE: Look for ways to express affection to each member in the group

REWARD: having SG members who give you a greater voice in their life and who see you as more than a leader of a meeting

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Express excitement to see them when they/you first arrive to something?

Reading & Other Resources

• Friendship by Hugh Black
• Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• Known by Dick Foth

  » Linger In Your SG Relationships »

Learn to honor the friendship by not leaving it until absolutely needed

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Luke 10: 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• Model a relaxed love relationship
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHAT Is Lingering And WHY Is It Important?

Lingering is anytime the moment would allow you to leave but you choose not to. Lingering is important because it communicates value to who you're with as you are choosing to be with them instead of leaving after the obligation of the moment is over. Many of the most meaningful moments and conversations in a relationship happen after the structured gathering is over. A SG leader wants to regularly linger with their people whenever possible to deepen the sense of life togetherness and relaxed love relationship within that relationship.

While lingering is an ongoing behavior for a sg leader and so in the feeding section, it can also be a great behavior to express during the Fighting For people phase

Lingering can also relate to having a personal walk with Jesus or growing commitment to the community. For example encouraging your small group to linger in a response time or after an event instead of running out the door for something else communicates the value of those people and moments.

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Whenever you are with your SG members in person, always be the last to leave and never tell them you have to go unless absolutely necessary.

  » Share Shared Stories »

TELL STORIES YOU HAVE SHARED TOGETHER TO EACH OTHER IN YOUR SG RELATIONSHIPS

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Matthew 16:8 Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? 9Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? 10Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered?
• Luke 22:19 And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother “I have no need of you.”
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHY Are Shared Stories Shared Important To Feeding The Friendship?

When we pioneered the XA at CSU we had 10 of us on the team. What was strange about our pioneering effort was that we were all friends with shared history before we decided to pioneer CSU together. All of us were either students or had been on staff with the Chi Alpha at Sam Houston State University. Not only that but many of the guys had been friends for a long time before they moved to Colorado. Two of them had known each other from childhood, and four of them had been in a band together for years.

When we moved up to Fort Collins to pioneer the XA at CSU I noticed how much time our team spent telling stories that they had shared. They would often spend time telling stories from the past with each other even when the students in our ministry were hanging out with them. Far from alienating the students from the teammates, because they weren’t part of that shared history, it helped our students feel like they wanted to be a part of this community with such deep relationships. It also helped my staff stay relationally tethered to each other while they were learning to fight for new relationships, and wrestling with the tensions that periodically arose in building a new ministry.

Shared stories are powerful when they are retold as they communicate a sense of belonging and affection for that shared history that tethers your future through remembering the tethered past. It also often includes a sense of love through laughter that is healthy in a friendship. It has been noted in research about what creates strong cultures that a common attribute about them is the way they tend to tell their stories to themselves. This has a way of forging a future together by reminding us of our shared past as well as articulating the values of the culture we are a part of through what those stories articulate about the cultures values. A missions trip can be an easy example of a memory that can be retold to those who were on the trip together and as a result reminds us of our belonging to each others stories as well as our belief in reaching the lost

WHAT Is Sharing Shared Stories?

Sharing shared stories is simply telling stories to each other that you were both a part of

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

At every weekly SG meeting tell a shared story with someone in the group and let others hear.

Reading & Other Resources

• The Culture Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Groups

  » Use Future Speech »

Talk about your future & future plans with them in the picture

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Matthew 28:20b And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
• John 14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
• Study Revelations

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• The first step away from God is when a Christian says to his brother “I have no need of you.”
• People usually forget what you say, but they will always remember how you treat them
• People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care

WHY Is Future Speech Important To Feeding The Friendship?

Future speech is powerful because it tells the relationship that you see a future together. In a world where relationships are as solid as tomorrow's whims, and campus life is constantly interrupting rhythms of relationship with school breaks, future speech tells a sg member that they can invest into the relationship and/or the community because you see them having a future there. Creating a sense of "safety" in the friendship is key for people to commit to the relationship, and in a world where commitment is tough to come by this is a critical concept.

WHAT Is Future Speech?

• Future speech is anytime you talk about the future with you seeing them in it. It could include making plans with them to hang out during a break, talk about some future event as if they will be there (think won't it be cool when we get to do men's advance all together next spring) or maybe hopeful language like saying how much you would love to have them on leadership with you.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. When you are coming up on a semester break talk about the next semester with imagery of you being together
2. For people you want to ask into LTC, start sharing hopeful imagery about them being on leadership. Example could be "I'll see you as soon as you get back from winter break. I'll have some outreach stuff leadership will be doing that first week of school and it would be fun to have you help me. I can't wait for you to be on leadership with me."

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: When you start thinking about finals coming up

ROUTINE: Start using future language about the break and following semester

REWARD: SG members who become more committed to your friendship and community with time

A Suggestion For A Keystone Habit: A small tangible habit that has a big impact

Plan one SG get together during any school break and talk about it well in advance

HAVE PERSONAL IMPARTATION

  » Have Regular 1on1's »

DO YOU HAVE PERSONAL FAITH IMPARTATION WITH THEM ON A WEEKLY/REGULAR BASIS? IF NOT THAN SCHEDULE A ONE ON ONE.

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Study Jesus method of discipleship with the disciples
• Look at Paul's relationship with Timothy

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Love by nature binds itself
• Place a crown above their head and watch them grow into it
• Knowledge = responsibility, responsibility accepted = more light, responsibility rejected = guilt
• Over my dead body am I going to let you live a stupid life
• When your not working on the friendship make sure your working from the friendship

WHY Is A One On One Valuable?

Sometimes we say it this way: Always Feed through your friendship but you don't always have to Feed the friendship. What we mean is that at any given interaction you are either trying to draw them closer to you or closer to Jesus. While those two ideas can begin to merge more and more with time as your friendship is built upon leaning on each other in your pursuit of Jesus, it is important to recognize that it is ok to prioritize one over the other when your together.

Oftentimes SG leaders get into the trap of being friends but never "brothers" because the SG leader always prioritized regular relational time but didn't emphasize Kingdom impartation in that space. 1on1's are valuable because they create space and time that allow you to prioritize growing their relationship with Jesus where both people understand that is the primary purpose.

While things like Chi Alpha's worship services and even your weekly meeting can be powerful for their proclamation potential, they can’t speak to the person directly where they are at with the nuance of their faith journey.

WHAT Is A One On One?

• A one on one is a scheduled time with just you and a SG member
• A one on one often is weekly at the same time (Tuesday at 2 in the university center for example) for a season though it can be more periodic as needed
• A one on one is time focused to grow a sg member in their walk with Jesus and sometimes also has the additional goal of strengthening their relationship with you. The time is focused primarily on spiritual formation though doing it through an expression of regular relational time is helpful whenever possible.

WHAT Is The Difference Between A One On One And Regular Relational Time?

• Regular relational time can be a one on one though relational time is not necessarily a one on one. A one on one is focused on spiritual formation as its primary end where regular relational time is about feeding the friendship. Said another way, one on ones are about drawing them close to God and regular relational time is about drawing them close to you. When you can do both that is the ideal but if it is hard for whatever reason to impart the kingdom in their lives in a personal way through regular relational time than schedule a one on one.

WHEN Is A One On One Needed?

• A one on one is needed when regular relational time is challenging with your or their schedule.
• A one on one is needed when there is not regular personal impartation happening during regular relational time.
• A one on one is needed when the spiritual formation happening during structured gatherings such as OP live, your weekly meetings or during regular relational time are not sufficient for them to grow closer to the Lord. Examples could include:
  • Them needing time to process what they have been learning at structured events
  • Them being at a different place in their spiritual formation than the other members of your SG community. An example could be reading through John together so they grow in gospel understanding and then someone else is going through Master Plan of Evangelism as they process how to reach out to their friends.
  • When they need to do faith with you instead of just talking about it, such as having a devo time, they participate in once a week until they can do it on their own.
  • Where they have emotional needs that cant be adequately covered in a weekly meeting.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: When you haven't had personal impartation in a SG members life for 2 weeks

ROUTINE: Schedule a time that week to get together for Spiritual formation & access if that should be ongoing

REWARD: SG members who are growing in their spiritual formation with Jesus

IN REGULAR IMPARTATION

  » Help Them Create A Devo Life »

Do they have regular personal time and space to focus on spiritual disciplines like prayer and reading the word?

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.
• I Thessalonians 5: 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
• John 15: 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Thought > action > habit > character > destiny
• You will be tomorrow where your thoughts about God have taken you today
• You emulate what you elevate, you elevate what you entertain
• If you are too busy to pray, then you’re busier than God wants you to be

WHY Emphasize A Daily Devotional Life?

Any meaningful relationship needs meaningful attention to it and the more meaningful the more attention. If we are going to live a life where Christ is King and we are truly abiding with Him then we need focused time to give undivided attention to Him. Scripture emphasizes ideas of continuous abiding whether its in our thought life or in our communion with the Spirit, however for those ideas to bleed into our larger life they often need devoted time on a regular basis. The spiritual disciplines are best served by creating a habit of space and time where you can focus on things like prayer and the word.

While this is not something you can force on them it is a habit to impart as a platform for expressing the spiritual disciplines.

WHAT Is A Devotional Life?

If you looked for the command in Scripture to have a daily devo life you wouldn't find it. However you would find plenty of Scripture that talks about an ongoing saturation of your life in the Lord. Like any meaningful relationship in your life to be healthy it is important to have regular relational time. Sometimes that may include making memories with the Lord like in times you step out in His calling in your life and situation or mountain top experiences with His presence. Sometimes relational time includes learning to invite God into all the different aspects of your life as you learn to do life with Him around. While those can be good and are critical in learning to abide with Christ, a relationship also needs focused relational time on a regular basis. A devo life is time that your SG members need to have in order to align their life to their faith if their faith is going to bleed into doing life with Him and have the devotion to step out in those memory making moments with God.

While a devo life can have any number of components to it some common tried and true aspects that should be expressed on a regular basis include:

• Prayer
• Reading the word

Other aspects could include:

• Reading other Christian literature
• Meditation on the attributes of God
• Worship

HOW To Emphasize A Daily Devotional Life?

• Review the habit creation and plans & obstacles principles on the conviction creation page.
• Invite them into your devo time and talk about theirs on a regular basis.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

Cue: As soon as you feel like a contact has committed to your small group

ROUTINE: Help them make a plan for their devo life during the semester

REWARD: Small group members having more to process in your discipleship and who are more transformed through it all

GIVE THEM EXPERIENCES IN EXPRESSING RESPONSIBILITY

Where your SG members have experienced your responsibility through you Finding, Fighting For, and Feeding them, you now want them to express responsibility through moments of Play

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Luke 10: 1 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. 3 Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. 4 Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

• Jesus called Peter to follow in Matthew 4 and in Luke 5. Commentators observe that these are two separate encounters that Jesus has with Peter. This calling would become a higher challenge again in Luke 6 when Jesus identifies His 12 core disciples and continues to push them to greater levels of commitment through His earthly ministry.

Maxims and Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Emulate before you innovate
• What God does in you He wants to do through you
• Love finds a need and meets it
• God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called

WHY Giving SG Members Experiences In Expressing Responsibility Is Important

When I was going to the University of Idaho my first two years of college I was part of the Cru campus ministry on the campus. One of my friends in the group was the son of the director and was a passionate student for the Lord. He would regularly go on campus and strike up conversations about the Lord with strangers. Now I had just come from working with a missions organization the previous year called Y-WAM, but even after spending months doing outreach with Y-WAM I felt challenged and ill equipped for what he was doing. When my friend asked me if I’d like to start going out with him to strike up conversations I really wanted to but I was more than a little nervous.

Despite my apprehension I went out a couple times with him and another guy and had a great time. While nothing particularly noteworthy happened I had some conversations with random people about the Lord, and felt empowered to share my faith as a result. It was an enjoyable experience but one that left me wanting to do more. While I would leave that ministry shortly after that, my heart to express that level of boldness and heart for the campus stuck with me. Years later when we pioneered the XA at CSU we began to train small group leaders in and express outreach to the campus past welcome week more than any moment I had been a part of previously.

What is something you are truly passionate about? It might be a hobby, an area of study or really anything that you find an internal motivation for even when no one else is pushing you to express it. Now can you think about what initially caused that passion in you? You may have never thought about it. Maybe even now it's hard to connect the dots in your head with how it developed initially. Researchers have found a fascinating commonality within the things that develop into passions in people's lives. Namely they typically start with a season of Play. Think of the kid watching the professional athlete on TV and then going out to play that sport. Play, researchers observe, is typically identified with high invitation and low challenge situations where the enjoyment of the thing is the ultimate aim. The kid throwing the football with a friend is not challenged to improve but is rather invited to experience the game in a way that is focused on having fun.

A few lead staff and myself were shocked when in an impromptu discussion about this idea we realized we could identify what were passions within their faith based on if they had an early season of discipleship that was focused on enjoying that expression of faith. Things like prayer, reading and outreach were not intrinsically enjoyable for some and dreaded by others but were rather fostered in their early faith journeys in a way that emphasized the love of the thing over the duty for it.

Responsibility is probably the area that SG leaders most neglect within their discipleship and yet having the SG leader develop a passion for outreach is absolutely essential if they are going to be effective at making disciple makers. The reason that most SG leaders would probably identify why they neglect responsibility in their discipleship is the same reason for why the SG leaders investment is so key. Most of the time a SG leader thinks that responsibility is something for LTC and leadership to do. The problem with that thinking is that LTC and its corresponding leadership are environments for deliberate practice. They are like the kid going through tryouts and then joining the team. The team is there to take the kid further in their passion through developing skills and capacities which are essential if the kid will ever get better at their sport but often the kid won't have the grit to develop through deliberate practice unless they have developed the early stages of passion first. Fun can still be there but typically never at the same level unless enjoyment of the thing has been well established first.

WHAT Do We Mean By Feeding SG Members Experiences In Expressing Responsibility?

When we say SG leaders need to give their SG members experiences in expressing responsibility we are talking about giving them opportunities to experience Finding people, Fighting For people and Feeding people in a low challenge but high invitation & support context that gives the student an enjoyable experience.

So what do we mean by Play? In the above example of a kid developing a passion for a sport I made reference to the common progression of a kid watching a pro sporting game on TV and then going out to play the game. In the above section we looked at the importance of them playing out in their yard with a low challenge to succeed environment but that example also had a preceding step we didn't discuss. Namely the kid was interested in playing because they first watched a pro sporting event. Play as a concept includes developing interest, not just expressing their interest. For a fuller conversation of how to develop interest review the list of culture creating principles on the "Conviction Creation Page"

Play can be challenging such as an out-of-state student might experience when hiking a CO 14er for the first time, but success, even small wins, should be a key component in play. The challenge should come in those situations from the situation rather than from you. Play should also not hold a call to greater commitment than the commitment of the moment. For example a missions trip may be challenging and fun but the commitment is for the short time you are on the trip. There isn't expectation for any longer term commitment even if their is invitation to the concept of a give a year opportunity.

In summary the concept of "Play" is developing interest in and opportunities to express Finding, Fighting For & Feeding in low challenge but high support & celebration moments that don't require any commitment past that moment.

Look at the conviction creation page under the heading of "Access The Maturity Of Your Members" for more details on the progression of passion development specifically.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

1. Develop interest where their may be indifference or fear

1. Tell stories about peoples lives being changed because of students Finding, Fighting For & Feeding
2. Make heros of people in your small group like missionaries who encompass a lifestyle of boldness and impact.
3. Celebrate any success, even the success of trying, publically with the SG.

2. Play With Finding (remember play can be challenging but you don't need to challenge, and it doesn't need a vision for commitment past that moment):

1. Go out on campus for 2 1on1's in November and strike up conversations with people and/or offer to pray for people
2. Intentionally participate with your SG in any outreach opportunities the ministry offers with on campus presence

3. Play With Fighting For (remember play can be challenging but you don't need to challenge, and it doesn't need a vision for commitment past that moment):

1. Invite FAT (Faithful, Available & Teachable) SG members to go with you in pursuit moments during the month of October.
2. Encourage your SG to go on a missions trip over Christmas or Spring Break.

3. Play With Feeding (remember play can be challenging but you don't need to challenge, and it doesn't need a vision for commitment past that moment):

1. Vision cast with FAT (Faithful, Available & Teachable) SG members to spend intentional time with other members of your SG during late September and early Spring.
2. Let FAT SG members lead a weekly meeting with your oversight sometime between late November and the end of the semester, or during the first month of the Spring.

Creating Habits in Your Ministry Life: What is the CUE (something that happens that reminds you of the fundamental behavior), the ROUTINE (the habit that expresses the fundamental behavior, and the REWARD (what are trying to accomplish through the routine) of the behavior

CUE: Each November

ROUTINE: Start emphasizing Play with responsibility for those who might do LTC

REWARD: SG members more likely to become your legacy on the campus after you leave

Reading & Other Resources

1. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

INVITE THOSE WHO ARE READY FOR LTC WELL

Scriptures Or Scriptural Principles Related To This Behavior

• Luke 15: 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

• 2 Timothy 2: 2 And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrusted to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.

Maxims And Quotes Related To This Behavior

• Responsibility is miracle grow for your faith

• Place a crown above their head and watch them grow into it

• Stop praying God use me and start praying God make me useable

• May the lamb who was slain receive the reward of his suffering

WHY Do We Do Personal Invites Into Leadership?

While there are a number of reasons why we do personal invites into leadership, here are a couple of the main things we are trying to accomplish. One is that people need to feel valued. LTC and leadership are big commitments that demand a sacrificial lifestyle. If it's worth them sacrificing for then it's worth us personally inviting them. Another reason is that many people need to be given a healthy challenge to step up into leadership. If we only invited generically than many who should step up wouldn't feel the healthy pressure to take the invitation seriously. The third reason is the opposite side of the spectrum. Leadership can be miracle grow for your faith but it can also be damaging to it if the pressure is too much for where someone is spiritually. Some people may want to join but should be given a healthier season of enjoying abiding in the Lord without the charge to reproduce.

HOW Do I Know If Someone Is Ready For LTC?

This is a hard question that doesn't have a one size fits all answer. One reason this question can be so challenging is that you are often vision casting leadership by late fall where people often grow in their walk with the Lord the most during the spring semester. To muddy the water more it is common for people to grow as a direct result of giving them responsibility. After all, as a maxim we often use goes "responsibility is miracle grow for your faith".

That said there are some good core concepts to keep in mind when considering inviting someone into leadership.

• Are they committed to you, Jesus & your community? If they are committed to the relationship with you and their relationship with Jesus but are still growing in their relationship with the community that is often an area we are willing to take a risk in as long as they know they have to prioritize the community through LTC if they will be invited into leadership. This can sometimes challenge them in a good way to access their commitments in life.

• Are they FAT (Faithful, Available & Teachable)? Another way that we sometimes ask this question is by asking is this someone you would like to lead if you were in charge of them next year on leadership? Sometimes people's lives situations make being one of these difficult such as an athlete who wants to be more faithful but can't. That is an area that can be a good situation to take a risk on someone. While that may be an exception to consider, a conversation about expectations of leadership should probably happen as part of the LTC ask. Invite your leadership lead into that conversation in that case.

• Have they had a healthy season of abiding with the Lord? While responsibility for God's Kingdom can grow someone in their dependence on the Lord as well as vision for their lives, it can also have the opposite effect. Like someone trying an exercise with too much weight on it, responsibility can create injury in someone's faith if they are not ready for the pressure. A good litmus test is have they expressed a sustained season of commitment for and abiding in their walk with the Lord. If they have learned to focus on God in their life without responsibility then they will likely lean on Him more deeply in responsibility. This is why we would discourage people who have just recently become followers of Jesus from joining leadership.

Pro Tips & Next Steps For HOW To Express This Behavior In Your Discipleship

• Talk about LTC initially in late fall. Do it after they have Played with Finding, Fighting For and Feeding in your SG. Do it using the below outline of an LTC ask as a template to play from when initially inviting them to do LTC.

• Let your cohort know who you have invited into LTC and encourage the cohort to bring it up when they see the prospective LTC student. There is power in making their invitation a big deal and not letting them accept or reject it without sensing a healthy pressure to step out. Think of the attributes of baptism as an example.

  • If the prospective LTC student turns down the invitation, affirm them in the community so they don't walk away from the community as a result of feeling like they have let you down.
  • If they are considering it or have accepted it then make it a big deal and something to celebrate.
  • Use future language as you express your desire for them to do leadership with you.

• Let them commit if they're ready but don't require it till you have re-engaged with them in the spring semester. The bigger ask should be done in the fall as they have more to think on and you don't get other opportunities competing for their time before you get a chance to vision cast with them.

Steps With Possible Talking Points In Communicating Vision For LTC

1. Define the Problem. Talking points (You don’t have to use all or even any of them but here are some ideas to spur your conversations)
   1. Only about 5% of the campus is involved in Christian community of some form
   2. Most people are not interested in Christ unless they have someone in their life who loves Him and too few people are actively reaching out
   3. While one of the greatest charges Christ gave the church was to make disciples, most Christians feel ill equipped to the task.
2. Define the Vision. Below are talking points (You don’t have to use all or even any of them but here are some ideas to spur your conversations)
   1. Transform the campus. Scott Martin vision of greatest student awakening in history. Virtually every major campus ministry’s national leadership in the country is talking about this vision from the Lord.
   2. College is the best time of an average American Christian’s life to learn how to disciple people. The natural environment of life together, the development of people’s worldviews during college, and the season of life for most students make college the most strategic time to learn how to find, fight for and feed people around them. These skills become lessons that serve Christians for a lifetime.
   3. Talk about leaving a legacy at CSU after you graduate. The concept of transgenerational discipleship but make it personal.
3. How to reach our Vision. Below are talking points (You don’t have to use all or even any of them but here are some ideas to spur your conversations)
   1. Tell a story of someone in the OP whose life was changed because of a relationship with a sg leader
   2. Talk about how leadership helps by training, equipping, resourcing and giving a team they can be a part of with that same vision. You never go as far as you do when on a team. Not the only way to live out the great commission by any means but talk about the value of leadership
   3. Talk about LTC and how it will equip them
4. Your experience in leadership. Below are talking points
   1. While you of course want to emphasize the value of leadership in your life, don’t hide the challenges and sacrifice that comes from leadership. You want them to see what it will take, understand they don’t have to have it all figured out to do this, but leave them with the understanding that it’s worth the cost.
5. Why they matter in reaching the vision
   1. Honor them by sharing what you have seen in them and what you believe they could develop into
6. Ask them to join LTC
   1. People need to be asked, not just told why they should want to. This communicates honor to them by saying I want you enough to step out and ask. Sometimes we can shy away from a direct ask as we are afraid of rejection or creating undue pressure but if it’s worth their investing into this community then it’s worth taking the risk. Do it lovingly but do it all the same.

Exercise in shaping your LTC ask

Think through your prospective LTC student and write out talking points from each of the above steps. You don’t need to do this verbatim and definitely don't read this to them ;) but when it comes time to invite them it can be helpful to have thought through how you want to do it vs winging it. Be natural but that doesn’t mean you have to be spontaneous in how you go about it.